Unfortunate news for anyone who enjoys mocking Mel Gibson – which, let’s face it, is just about everyone.
His record is clean. Now that he’s completed his community service, Mel Gibson has successfully requested to have his 2006 DUI arrest expunged from his record. So what can we mock Mel Gibson for now?
What? The fact that Mel Gibson’s a hard-line religious egomaniac and a recovering alcoholic with twin sidelines in casual anti-Semitism and hilariously sexist neology, a girlfriend who’s more or less young enough to be his daughter and a CV that includes What Women Want and Maverick? Oh, OK then.
Mel Gibson’s had a rough few years – since 2006 he’s managed to get caught speeding through Malibu while swigging from an open bottle of tequila – while informing the arresting officer that a) in actual fact Mel Gibson owns Malibu, b) the Jewish faith is responsible for all the wars in the history of the world and c) there was a very strong chance that at some point Mel would try to have sexual intercourse with him – call another female ‘Sugartits’ to her face, get divorced, start a rebound relationship with a woman he promptly knocked up and hang out with Britney Spears a bit.
Truly, the man knows suffering. Seriously, Britney Spears? Yeesh.
But that’s all in the past. Mel Gibson has begun to move on with his life now. He’s settling down with his new family, filming a movie called The Beaver – which will hopefully be at least as good as What Women Want – and, legally, he didn’t even do that DUI thing. He didn’t. Check his record. Look, Not there, is it? BBC News reports:
Mel Gibson’s conviction in 2006 for drink-driving, has been expunged from his record, it has been confirmed. The Oscar-winner’s lawyer requested the dismissal after the star successfully completed the terms of his probation… The star had been ordered to perform public service work and attend Alcoholics Anonymous for three years.
But don’t think that Mel Gibson is off the hook yet. Just because his DUI has been expunged, it doesn’t mean that he can start driving around California being all drunk and racially-dubious again – it will still magnify his punishment if he’s ever arrested for the same thing again.
That’s us being pessimistic, though – we’re sure that Mel Gibson has fully learnt his lesson from all of this, and that next time he wants to get shithammered on spirits and rant like a madman about how much he hates the Jews, he’ll do it from the comfort of his own home.
And, still, on the plus side, at least his clean record means that Mel Gibson can now go to heaven when he dies. Phew, it sure is a good job that God can only judge people by quickly glancing at their computerised police records – because we’re not completely sure that Mel would be allowed in if God had access to any of the several thousand news sources that reported his arrest. Or if he had access to the movie The Man Without A Face, for that matter. We wouldn’t let him into heaven for that. But that’s just us.
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