Mel B’s Mum Realises New Marriage Is Stupid Before Mel B Does

A mother's love is unconditional, we all know that - unless you're the mother of someone boneheaded enough to get married to a wife-beating virtual stranger while clearly on the rebound from a previous broken relationship.

Which, more or less, is the situation that Mel B's mother is in at the moment. Now that the news is out that Mel B decided to get over the traumatic public wreckage of her baby-producing relationship with Eddie Murphy by immediately getting married to a man who newspapers are already calling a wife-beater, Mel B's mum Andrea Brown has decided to go public and call Mel B's marriage to Stephen Belafonte a "big mistake." Nobody knows how Mel B will cope with such a painful missive from her own mother, although knowing Mel B it'll probably involve getting knocked up, splitting up with the father and then getting married to another painfully inappropriate bloke within seconds of mopping up the afterbirth.

Of all the Spice Girls, with the possible exception of Geri Halliwell - come on, who else would be backwards enough to name a child Bluebell Madonna - Mel B always stood out as the most headstrong. OK, not really 'headstrong'. More 'violently aggressive' and 'fisty-nippled'. Look, our point is that nobody can tell Mel B what to do - which is a shame because Mel B's own sense of judgement genuinely couldn't be any more haywire.

Mel B's past exploits have included getting married and having a child with a man the whole world even though the whole world was pantomime-style shouting "He's a gold-digger! And seems a bit gay!" at Mel B, then suddenly meeting Eddie Murphy, falling in love with Eddie Murphy, having an Eddie Murphy tattoo slapped on her body and then letting Eddie Murphy knock her up. Even though this was Eddie Murphy we were talking about - star of Norbit and getting stopped by police with a transsexual prostitute in his car - Mel B seemed genuinely surprised when Eddie dumped her on a TV show and then refused to believe that the baby was his.

A few months down the line and Mel B's preposterous blunder has finally been straightened out. Mel has a new baby and all of Eddie Murphy's child support cash and everything is back on an even keel again. Well, at least it would be if it weren't for the fact that Mel B has already got married to a convicted wife-beater, film producer Stephen Belafonte. Mel and Stephen got married in secret at a Las Vegas chapel back in June, and she has already started crowing about how she wants to have his children. But Mel B's mum Andrea Brown is taking a slightly different view. The Daily Mail quotes:

"I was with Mel for a month before Angel was born and stayed with her two months afterwards. She was so lonely, at rock-bottom. She had post-natal depression and was vulnerable. All that with Eddie Murphy really knocked her for six, but you can't discuss it with her. She can't deal with it. She's trying to block it out. I think she's made a big mistake. How can you fall in love that quick? …  Melanie is not the normally the sort to be taken in by anyone, but her hormones were all over the place after the baby (Angel Iris). Maybe Stephen came along at just the right time and said all the right things. I need to speak to her, but she won't answer my calls because she knows what I'm going to say."

It must be heartbreaking for a mother and daughter to fall out over something like this, but on the basis of this outburst we can't see how Andrea Brown will get an invite to Mel B's first anniversary party now.

Just kidding. As if there'll be a first anniversary party. We crack ourselves up sometimes.

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Mel B's Marriage Is A 'Big Mistake' Says Her Shocked Mum - Daily Mail