As part of The Spice Girls Mel B once sang "If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends," but more apt would be "If you wanna be my lover, you gotta pay your share of the upkeep for any subsequent babies that I squeeze out of my chuff."

And that, according to Mel B, is exactly what Eddie Murphy isn't doing. Even though DNA tests have proved that Mel B's new baby Angel was fathered by Eddie Murphy, Murphy apparently hasn't paid any child support towards her whatsoever. And this has made Mel B angry enough to slap Eddie Murphy with a giant paternity suit. But that's just stage one – if Eddie Murphy fails to comply with Mel B's demands, then the next step involves setting Geri Halliwell on Eddie Murphy and letting her talk about nothing but herself until Eddie smashes his face into a wall just to stop the pain.

Right now Eddie Murphy and Mel B should be equally basking in happiness – thanks to the Spice Girls reunion Mel B is more famous than she has been in a decade and Eddie Murphy has just got engaged to his lovely girlfriend. But life's a bitch sometimes, especially when you go round knocking up 1990s popstars and then buggering off before the baby's born.

It shouldn't have happened like this – just like every young couple in love Eddie Murphy and Mel B got tattoos of each other about three seconds after they met and then quickly conceived a baby without any thought for the future. But, unlike any relationship ever, Eddie Murphy dumped Mel B on TV, leaving her pregnant and alone and furiously angry. Eventually Mel B gave birth to her baby and gave it Eddie Murphy's name and proved that the baby was Eddie's, DNA-style – but now Mel B says that Eddie Murphy hasn't been financially supporting baby Angel.

And that's why Eddie Murphy is about to see that Mel B was named Scary Spice for her ferocious legal acumen and not her fist-sized nipples, earth-shattering voice and impenetrable accent, as Reuters reports:

Spice Girl Melanie Brown on Wednesday filed a paternity suit against actor Eddie Murphy asking for child support for her 3-month-old daughter. Gloria Allred, the lawyer for the "Scary Spice" member of the 1990s British girl band, said the lawsuit was filed in Los Angeles Superior Court. It seeks to legally establish paternity and asks for unspecified child support.

As a father, of course it's Eddie Murphy's duty to financially provide for his offspring – but the long-term ramifications of Mel B's lawsuit have yet to be felt. As well as paying the upkeep on Mel B's baby and the five children from his first marriage, there's every chance that Eddie Murphy will knock this new fiancee up and leave her too. That's seven children that Eddie Murphy will need to stump up for, and – given that he might keep churning out Norbit sequels to pay for them all – we're all for Eddie Murphy letting his children grow up in abject poverty. Anyone with us?

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Spice Girl Hits Eddie Murphy With Paternity Suit – Reuters