Mel B Now Dancing For Coins

You know that old saying 'Dance like nobody is watching?' Yeah, we recently learnt that it doesn't mean you should dance naked outside a primary school auditorium window during assembly and presume that nobody is watching.

That saying is a lot of crap, anyway. Anyone who is anyone knows that you should dance like everybody is watching, because if everyone is watching you dance they're more likely to forgive all the twattish things you've done recently like, say, having Eddie Murphy's baby and then shacking up with a convicted wife-beater. Following the explosion of popularity for Heather Mills after she took part earlier in the year, Mel B has signed up for the new season of American Strictly Come Dancing offshoot Dancing With The Stars. And Mel B is bound to do well on Dancing With The Stars because, well, because she's just about the only contestant we've ever heard of.

Dancing on reality TV shows can do wonders for your public image. Take Emma Bunton, for example; last year Emma Bunton was a contestant on Strictly Come Dancing and the success was threefold - 1) People briefly forgot that Emma Bunton was the least famous Spice Girl, 2) she gained so much public support that people didn't instantly throw rocks at her for recording the world's most anaemic version of Downtown and 3) someone knocked her up out of it.

And that's just Emma Bunton. Appearing on a dance competition can even change how the public sees someone as universally mistrusted as Heather Mills, the mink-wearing vegetarian currently chasing Paul McCartney's money who - simply by doing a backflip on Dancing With The Stars - became the postergirl for easily-led idiots everywhere. So now it's been established that nothing does career rehabilitation like Dancing With The Stars, it's no wonder that Mel B - currently not having the best of times thanks to her meeting Eddie Murphy, getting pregnant by Eddie Murphy, being dumped by Eddie Murphy, having Eddie Murphy's baby and then marrying a wifebeater - has signed up for the forthcoming season of Dancing With The Stars. The Washington Post reports:

Singers Marie Osmond and Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown are among the celebrity contestants in the upcoming season of ABC's popular "Dancing with the Stars" show, the network said on Wednesday. The show, which partners celebrities with ballroom dancing professionals, averaged 20.7 million viewers and ranked as the second most popular show on U.S. television last season after singing contest "American Idol." The winner, announced in May, was Olympic speed skater Apolo Anton Ohno.

But Mel B isn't the only Dancing With The Stars contestant with public acceptance on her mind - there's also Marie Osmond, who never really got over those suicide attempt rumours last year; and Jane Seymour, currently on a break from annoying everyone in Bath. The other stars just announced to take part in Dancing With The Stars are Floyd Mayweather, Helio Castroneves, Wayne Newton, Sabrina Bryan, Jennie Garth, Mark Cuban, Josie Maran, Albert Reed and Cameron Mathison, even though we don't know who any of them are.

"But wait," you're thinking, "won't Mel B appearing on Dancing With The Stars clash with the forthcoming Spice Girls reunion?" And that's a good point - the new season of Dancing With The Stars starts on September 24 and the first new Spice Girls concert is on December 7, meaning that there could be some overlap if Mel B does well at Dancing With The Stars. Which probably won't be likely since this is the most energetic dance routine Mel B has ever done in her life…

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Scary Spice Among New Talent In Dancing - Washington Post