Thanks to Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Greene and that Grey’s Anatomy bloke, we’re currently in golden age of celebrity nudity.

But one star isn’t getting naked. And it’s the person who everyone most wants to see completely nude, too. That’s right – Angela Lansbury.

Oh, and Megan Fox, too, we suppose. Megan Fox has declared that she’ll never get naked in a film – devastating millions of horny, hairy-handed teenage boys in the process. She’s just got too much dignity, you see. So what can everyone masturbate over instead? The countless photoshoots of Megan Fox writhing around in her knickers? Oh, OK.

Gee, that new Jennifer’s Body movie looks good, doesn’t it? Yup, we’re definitely going to see that. And that’s not because we’re fans of Diablo Cody – Juno made us want to roll around in a skipful of dirty syringes – or because we don’t think we’ve seen enough godawful films about supernatural high school students lately. No, it’s because the Jennifer’s Body trailer strongly heavily suggests that Megan Fox will take her top off.

But – well, we don’t know quite how to break this to you – she doesn’t. Megan Fox doesn’t get naked in Jennifer’s Body. And, worse still, she’ll never get naked in any film she ever makes. But don’t worry, though, because she’s got a perfectly valid explanation for it, as MTV reports:

“As of right now I can’t ever imagine myself doing nudity in a film. People take everything from you when you’re in this business. Your anonymity is stripped from you, they invade every part of you: your personal life, your relationships. Everything you say gets judged, everything you do gets judged. Literally all I have left are my private parts, and I don’t want to also share them with the world.”

Oh, we get it -Megan Fox doesn’t want to get naked because she’s got rubbish tits.

Not really. In fact, we think we should praise Megan Fox for her eloquent explanation. She’s right – all she’s got left are her private parts. And, you know, millions of dollars. And the lifestyle that she’s dreamt of ever since she was a little girl. And a massive house. We don’t know how she copes.

But, seriously, Megan Fox’s body belongs to her, and if she doesn’t want to show it off in way that reduces her to an unthinking, objectified piece of meat to be exploited and manipulated by the Hollywood patriarchy, then… well, then actually she shouldn’t have starred in either of the Transformers movies. Or How To Lose Friends And Alienate People, for that matter. And definitely not Jennifer’s Body. Oh well.

And don’t get your hopes up for a Megan Fox sex tape, either, because that’s a no-go too. Megan says:

“That’s the last thing I want to see is what I look like having sex… because I would always just see myself looking like a hippo having sex.”

What a silly thing to say. Because – and this is a bit of a hecklerspray exclusive – we’ve already hunted down a Megan Fox sex tape, and she looks nothing like a hippo in it. Look…

You’re welcome, teenage boys. You’re welcome.

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