Megan Fox, the girl once known as Angelina Jolie 2.0, but now barely known at all, was somewhat famously married to the awkward one who got hot on the original “Beverly Hills 90210” (I’m referring to Brian Austin Green) for several years. They had their first son in 2012, their second son in 2014, then divorced last year. Yes, it’s all very tragic.
Megan hasn’t been actively dating anyone, at least not as far as the public knows, and if the public doesn’t know then it mustn’t be happening, right? That’s what made is so odd when Megan showed up to a viewing of her sure to be shitty Ninja Turtles sequel with a prominent baby bump.
Some celebrity theorists are saying that Megan has still been banging David Silver since their divorce, which I don’t really get, because if you’re raising kids together and you still want to bang each other, why even get divorced in the first place? You’re semi-rich folk, right? If you can’t stand each other’s personalities anymore but still want to get sexy just like, move one of you into the pool house and stay together for the kids or some shit.
The other theory is that Megan is the new January Jones and Minnie Driver, two other famous Hollywood women who had babies and never revealed who the father was. And yes, I just referred to Minnie Driver as a famous Hollywood actress. And no, I do not think the year is 1997.
Though many media outlets are reporting that Brian Austin Green IS the father, Megan herself has only really addressed it by posting this:
Well, that’s a real fucking disappointment, because, if I were this kid, I would rather have any of those guys as my father rather than Brian Austin Green—the guy whose main claim to fame is taking Tori Spelling’s virginity on her daddy’s tv show back in the 90’s.
The perks of having Shia as your dad: you might inherit his sick rat’s tail weave and your stepmom would be a girl who looks like a Montreal hipster who shaves her eyebrows. Also, you’d probably have to pick him up from the police station after numerous drunk and disorderly conduct arrests, which means you could kind of get away with anything in life. Plus, you know, “Even Stevens” ruled.
The perks of having Will Arnett as your dad: half siblings with his kids with the mega cool Amy Pohler, who you might get to hang out with. Also, you could really commit yourself to the whole “Arrested Development” thing and change your last name to Bluth. Plus, he voices “Bojack Horseman” and that show is comedy gold.
The perks of having that guy from “The New Girl” as your dad: he is exponentially funnier than Brian Austin Green and has NEVER made out with Tori Spelling for money. Also, he was a fantastic comic relief in “Jurassic World.”
Maybe we’ll never know who Megan Fox’s baby daddy is, or maybe she’ll announce it in an hour, the point is: who cares? (I guess me?…)