Meg White Sex Tape: Fake, But Still Able To Put You Off All Sex Forever

The whole world loves internet sex tapes, as they give it the chance to say "oh, so that's how they have sex" or, in Meg White from the White Stripes' case, "oh, so that's how they have sex - also, is that the smell of my retinas burning?"

Yesterday, very briefly, the internet go very excited. Not about a YouTube video of a bear on a hammock or a compulsively-forwarded email hilariously spoofing the Mastercard adverts, but by what appeared to be a Meg White tape. "Finally!" the world thought, "Now I no longer have to imagine which facial expressions the dumpy plain female drummer from The White Stripes - who I've never had a single sexual thought about - pulls as she's getting done by some bloke in a grotty bedroom." But, just as soon as the Meg White sex tape furore started, the Meg White sex tape has been dismissed as a fake. Thanks a lot, the internet - but can someone tell us who to bill for all our teeth that got partially dissolved by vomit just now? 

Internet sex tapes have become such a ubiquitous part of modern-day life that, literally, the only celebrity you can't see having sex on the internet at the moment is 85-year-old It'll Be Alright On The Night presenter Denis Norden, and even then we think it's because we haven't been searching hard enough. But everyone else has a sex tape. Pamela Anderson has a sex tape and Gina Lee Nolan has a sex tape and Paris Hilton has a sex tape and Jordan has a sex tape and Abi Titmuss has a sex tape. We could go on. Kid Rock has a sex tape and Colin Farrell has a sex tape and Fred Durst has a sex tape and Screech from Saved By The Bell has a sex tape and yesterday - for a few golden seconds - people thought Meg White from The White Stripes had a sex tape too.

The Meg White sex tape - or what we thought was a Meg White sex tape - exploded onto the internet yesterday. A low-quality two-minute video of a dumpy girl staring dead-eyed into a camera as a bloke shoves his fingers in her mouth and his thingummy up her whatsit, the apparent Meg White sex tape briefly united the planet in an orgy of careful monitor-peering, debates about whether the girl was Meg White or not and absolutely no sexual reaction whatsoever. By anyone. But now Meg White's rep has come forward to put us out of our misery - and trust us, the Meg White sex tape made us pretty miserable - by pointing out that the whole Meg White sex tape thing is a fake. TMZ reports:

Meg's rep tells TMZ, "Some people have a very twisted sense of humor and this prank is in particularly bad taste. The tape circulating on the Internet as featuring Meg White is fake. It's definitely not Meg."

Yes, the Meg White sex tape prank is in particularly bad taste, for so many different reasons. Firstly, Meg White is a well-respected international rock star and even the notion that she's spend her time getting listlessly boned by a guy in a grubby, poster-strewn bedroom will ultimately detract from the way she plays drums in exactly the same way to all White Stripes songs ever made. And secondly Meg White is suffering from anxiety - although now we aren't sure if it's a genuine medically-diagnosed anxiety or just the sort of anxiety you get when you discover a woman who looks like a slightly uglier version of you is having sex on the internet - and rumours of a Meg White sex tape aren't exactly going to help her recovery.

Thirdly - and perhaps most importantly - a Meg White sex tape? Where you can see Meg White out of The White Stripes having two minutes of underwhelming sex? Bleurgh. No, really - bleurgh.

Read more:

Meg On Alleged Sex Tape: I Think I Smell A Rat - TMZ