Martha Stewart is like the American cyborg version of Delia Smith. But where Delia gets boozed up and shouts nonsense at football matches, Martha goes to prison for lying to investigators about stock sales.
Now she’s been released, Martha can start broadcasting again. Her new programme, called Martha, was meant to show off the new, cuddly Stewart to the world.
Problem is, it sounds like Martha has changed from a sensible Delia into an American version of the batshit daytime Nigella show.
You’d have thought that someone somewhere in the world would have
seen how bad the Nigella show was and maybe told the makers of Martha that the
format doesn’t really work. Both Nigella and Martha are daytime
magazine programmes vaguely about improving your life, and both suffer
from giving the host too much to do.
Nigella Lawson (Books) works best when she’s in her own kitchen, slowly
rubbing chocolate cake mix around her face with her fingers and
sighing. Put her in a studio and try to make her combine
interviewing Charlotte Church and cooking a fancy pie, and she suddenly
becomes rigid and confused and nobody has any fun.
According to reports, this is exactly the problem with Martha.
Except for the chocolate cake part, obviously. USA Today reports that
the show’s high point was when Martha (Books) taught Marcia Cross from
Desperate Housewives how to fold a T-shirt properly. And then kept calling her
by her character’s name, Bree.
And that’s just the start. The stupefying show descriptions on
Martha Stewart’s website read like a long-forgotten TV Go Home listing.
We’re just going to reprint the best two for this week…
TUESDAY:
It’s Poncho Day and everyone in the studio
audience, the crew, comedian David Spade, and Martha are cloaked in
knitted ponchos like the one Martha made famous when she left Alderson.
Martha unveils her microwave recipes. And the loveable, furry, red Sesame Street Muppet, Elmo, crafts while wearing his poncho.
THURSDAY:
Sean "Diddy" Combs teaches Martha how to rap,
and Martha returns the favour with a lesson on how wrap gifts perfectly.
Also, Martha visits The Rickshaw Dumpling Bar in New York City to learn
how to wrap delicious dumplings.
Advance
warning. If this site isn’t updated on Thursday, it’s because we’ll be
on a plane to America to try and watch the whole Diddy rapping/wrapping
fiasco. It sounds brilliant.
Read more:
For now, ‘Martha’ is not a good thing – USA Today
[story by Stuart Heritage]
