Dear Hollywood, if you want to make more money than you know what to do with, why not make a stupid film about a funny dog?

It works. Beverly Hills Chihuahua was one of the surprise hits of 2008, Hotel For Dogs looks set to do the same and literally nobody would have watched The Dark Knight if it weren’t for the cute little doggy-wogs who chased Batman around at the end.

Plus, just look at Marley & Me. Marley & Me is enjoying its second week at the top of the US weekend box office. Even though it looks dumb enough to give you an aneurysm.

Nobody expected Marley & Me to do very well at the weekend box office. It opened against The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button and Valkyrie – two serious, important-seeming movies starring arguably the two biggest actors in the world and based on either a short story by one of history’s most celebrated writers or one of the most audacious wartime plots of the 20th century – and it won. The guffy film about the funny dog won.

And now Marley & Me is top of the weekend box office again, but why? Well, it seems clear that Jennifer Aniston’s promotional machinegunning of Marley & Me worked wonders. Which just goes to show – if you want to open a movie all you need to do is slag off your ex-husband’s girlfriend and then fake a pregnancy and then take off all your clothes. No, not you Larry The Cable Guy. You should try something else. Anyway, here’s the weekend box office top five…

1 - Marley & Me (We went to see Marley & Me this weekend, and we don’t mind telling you that we were hideously disappointed with it. Jennifer Aniston was one of the least convincing Bob Marleys we’ve ever had the misfortune to watch, and Owen Wilson spent all of his time chasing that stupid puppy around, something an ME sufferer would never have the energy to do. A letdown) $24,050,000

2 - Bedtime Stories (The movie where Adam Sandler reads a book to some children and it all comes true. Unfortunately, the book isn’t entitled Adam Sandler Goes Back In Time, Unmakes I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry And Personally Writes Hecklerspray A Sincere Apology For Spending Money To See It In The First Place) $20,317,000

3 - The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button (That’s that cleared up, then – if you age backwards you never learn anything insightful apart from how to start sentences and then give up on them halfway through with a distant look in your eye, but you do get to have it off with Cate Blanchett about 40 years in. So it’s still probably worth it) $18,400,000

4 - Valkyrie (Stupid Germans. All they had to do was blow up Hitler with a suitcase 65 years ago and give Tom Cruise a decent ending to his film. But oh no, that’s too much like hard work for the bloody Germans isn’t it? Now Tom Cruise’s film looks stupid because it hasn’t got a proper ending. No wonder the world hates you, Germany) $14.300,000

5 – Yes Man (We’re actually writing a sequel to Yes Man, where Jim Carrey has to answer yes to the following questions: “How about you sand your genitals off with a powertool?” “Why don’t you see how many times you can kick a lion up the arse before it eats you?” and “Next time you make a film, how about you give yourself an age-appropriate love interest so as not to come off like a raging creepoid?”) $13,900,000

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