Marilyn Monroe Smokes Pot, So Let’s Arrest Her Or Something

Marilyn Monroe, Marilyn Monroe drugs, Marilyn Monroe videoThis might come as a shock to you, so make yourself comfortable. Ready? Marilyn Monroe might have taken drugs.

It’s shocking, we know. There was nothing to suggest that before. Not Marilyn Monroe’s well-established dependence on prescription medication, not the way Marilyn Monroe died because she took too many drugs. Nothing. This has come right out of the blue. We’re shocked. Shocked.

But it’s true. New home-recorded footage of Marilyn Monroe smoking what appears to be a joint has been purchased from a collector for $275,000. It’s thought that the footage will be put on permanent display in the Museum Of Unfathomably Dull Crap That Doesn’t Affect Anybody’s Life In The Slightest.

Marilyn Monroe, it’s said, lived her life like a candle in the wind. Which we think means her head was wobbly, made of fire and attached to her body by a bit of string, and over the course of her life her shoulders melted and started to dribble down her legs. We think that was what the song was trying to get at, anyway.

But anyway, it doesn’t matter what Marilyn Monroe was like before she died because, if you’re rich enough, you can basically buy her entire life. Want to pay over the odds for footage of her walking around holding a mug? Want to masturbate to footage of Marilyn Monroe silently fellating a man for 15 impossibly grim minutes? Want to spend the rest of eternity trapped in a box a few feet away from the decomposed remains of a woman who almost showed her vagina off while she stood over a subway vent? All of this can be yours, for a price.

Want to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for footage of what appears to be Marilyn Monroe smoking a joint, even though ownership of it won’t make you happier on any meaningful level because it’s largely so dull that you most people can’t even watch two minutes of edited highlights without skipping to the end? Well tough. Someone’s already beaten you to it. ABC News reports:

A home movie showing a relaxed Marilyn Monroe apparently smoking marijuana has surfaced, retrieved from an attic some 50 years after it was filmed. The reel-to-reel silent, color film taken at a private home in New Jersey was recently purchased by collector Keya Morgan for $275,000 from the person who took the film, who has asked to remain anonymous.

Now, if you think that this footage of Marilyn Monroe has simply been passed from collector to collector, leaving the public out of the loop altogether, you should relax. It’s thought that Keya Morgan will use the footage in a forthcoming documentary he’s making about Marilyn Monroe’s death. So you will be able to see the footage. In about 10 years time. On TV. At about 3am. Provided there’s absolutely nothing else on. Thanks, Keya!

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