Marilyn Manson’s Ex-Keyboardist: That Guy Bought Corpses With My Money!

About two years ago our dear old granddad died. It was horrible. He battled tuberculosis,  skin cancer, swollen lymph nodes and a half-exploded heart all at the same time.

It took him just over a year to die, and in that time we grew so close to him. He'd read us articles out of the newspaper, we let him watch our special edition of Speed II even though we knew he'd probably scratch it. Then one morning, as his hospital window was cracked just enough to let a swallow's song float in and around the room, he was gone.

We cried so hard as we dialled Marilyn Manson's phone number and then bickered with him for an hour and a half over price. But Manson, always a gentleman, eventually offered us top dollar for Grampy's old stiff corpse, which Manson said he would dust monthly and always keep his dogs and girlfriends away from. We used that money to buy the dearly departed a gigantic wreath. Not too gigantic mind you - after all we had to replace our platinum edition of Speed II.

Apparently, our dear grandfather isn't the only corpse Manson owns and might wear sometimes. That's right - we said might wear.

On a cold winter's night there's nothing hecklerspray likes more than sitting next to a fire wrapped snugly in the stitched skins of our slain enemies. And when we do that, we like to listen to the music of people with similar wardrobe sensibility. Of course that means our music collection consists of Marilyn Manson and only Marilyn Manson - any of his albums will do actually. That fashion sense doesn't sit well with everybody in Manson's social circle. Take his former keyboardist for instance - he claims Manson stole butt-loads of money from the band to pay for his weird pet dead-people fetish. A butt-load, incidentally, is the primary Bulgarian monetary unit. We know because we read it online.

Manson's ex-keyboardist Madonna Wayne Gacy says the frontman stole millions from the band to pay for things like:

"African masks made of human skin, the full skeleton of a four-year-old Chinese girl, and the full skeleton of a 17th Century male in a wheelchair and Nazi paraphernalia including a handbag once owned by Hitler's girlfriend Eva Braun".

We speculate that Braun's handbag is made from Hitler scrotal remnants, but have thus far failed to receive a single court order allowing any sort of genetic testing. It's kinda scary that the legal system is jacked like that, y'all.

The keyboardist is actually claiming to be owed right around $20 million in lost profits. Manson claims his former comrade is a falsifier, and he did so in these exact words:

"The fact that he's claiming that I've treated him unfairly, financially, is really ridiculous. And I would never spend my money on a Chinese girl skeleton. That would be crossing the line. It's a Chinese boy, for the record."

That's right - let the truth be known - Manson might actually have sex with some poor girl in one of his music videos, he might seduce the often arrested  Lindsay Lohan, and he might make horrible stinks for everyone to spray all over themselves, but he would never ever own a dead Chinese girl.

It'd do you good to remember that.

Read More:

Keyboardist sues Manson for $20m - BBC News