Chronically aware that his shtick of wearing funny-coloured contact lenses and singing bad sixth-form poetry to bad sixth-form goth music isn't controversial any more, Marilyn Manson has revealed a new PR tactic – having sex with girls in videos.

Not just any girls, either – Marilyn Manson has sex with his real-life teenage girlfriend Evan Rachel Wood. And Marilyn Manson and Evan Rachel Wood don't just have any sex, either – they have real, in-and-out sex. And Marilyn Manson and Evan Rachel Wood don't just have real sex on any video, either – it's the video for new Marilyn Manson single Heart-Shaped Glasses. Clever old Marilyn Manson – he knows only too well that nothing makes a man more popular than a video of his weird naked underdeveloped lesbian anorexic prostitute body pumping away into a girl who looks like she's about six years old.

It's weird to think that people ever saw Marilyn Manson as controversial. Just by looking like a bootfair scarecrow designed by Tim Burton and singing songs about being really bloody angry, people actually saw Marilyn Manson as a threat once. Of course, that was before all the terrorism and wars came along and made Marilyn Manson look like a silly little boy who'd watched The Crow one too many times – because after that everyone seemed to lose interest in Manson somewhat. But that hasn't stopped Marilyn Manson from trying.

Marilyn Manson is basically a child – if a magazine printed an article about how picking up litter was a dangerous new controversial act of rebellion, Marilyn Manson would hit the streets of LA with a binbag and a set of grabbers so fast your teeth would fall out. It's true – surely that's the only explanation for Marilyn Manson doing unbearably attention-seeking things like having a worst man instead of a best man at his wedding to Dita Von Teese. Or having sex with his new girlfriend Evan Rachel Wood in the video to his new single Heart-Shaped Glasses because he knows that's the only way anyone will watch the sodding thing. Radar reports:

According to a source close to the production crew, Manson and Wood elected not to fake their intercourse. Though their naughty bits are concealed on-screen by bedclothes and each other's bodies, the logistics of the shoot ensured the crew members had an intimate view of the proceedings… "The Christian parents will be sharpening their steak knives for him."

We've seen the video to Heart-Shaped Glasses by Marilyn Manson, and we're sad to report that it lacks the pottymouth thrills of Colin Farrell's sex tape, the eye-bleeding weirdness of Screech's sex tape or the life-altering horror of Kid Rock and Scott Stapp's sex tape. In actual fact, the sex in Marilyn Manson's new video is so mannered, staged and unconvincing that it looks like the kind of thing you'd usually see on Movies24 at 1am on a Friday night. And anyone who's stayed up to watch Movies24 on a Friday night knows that isn't even close to being a good thing.

Still, following Marilyn Manson's divorce and non-arrival of that Lewis Carroll film he was supposed to be making, let's just pray that all the sex in the Heart-Shaped Glasses video works for him, or else we can expect Marilyn Manson to do something really shocking next time.

Like, say, release a single that doesn't sound like a tenth-rate Gary Numan rip-off for once.

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Fake Blood, Real Sex In Manson Video – Radar