Marie Osmond Gets Own Show To Fall Down On

If you're a sad, divorced, light-headed member of a fringe religion who has unruly children and collects creepy dolls, television has let you down lately.

But not any more, because Marie Osmond has just announced her own daytime TV show. And, from what we can gather, this is just because Marie Osmond fell over on that TV show about dancing.

Don't worry, though, Marie Osmond's TV show won't start until late next year, so you've got plenty of time to go and find ways to avoid it. Maybe, say, by blowing your head up with dynamite or trying to chew through an electrical power line.

You'd have to be a brave soul to try and take on the daytime TV old-guard, you know. With Oprah discussing 'the gift of fear', Martha Stewart teaching Eva Longoria how to make Spicy Citrus Chicken Wings, the ladies on The View talking about the best way to kill a dog and Ellen DeGeneres crying like a baby for a solid hour, the schedules are pretty rammed and newcomers aren't welcome.

Unless you're Marie Osmond, of course, because if there's one thing American daytime TV certainly doesn't have enough of, it's giant-haired middle-aged women wearing too much make-up and yammering vast inanities at everything that gets waggled under their noses.

Which is good, because Marie Osmond has got her own TV show now. E! Online:

Marie is slated for a fall 2009 launch, according to independent syndicator Program Partners, which announced the news Tuesday during the National Association of Television Program Executives expo in Las Vegas. [Marie said] "I've always wanted to do a show for women that would offer them a safe place to have some fun and get vital information. Marie will truly reflect my personality—funny, sometimes serious and never predictable." "Marie is a true original," Program Partners exec Rich Colbert said. "And Marie, the series, will be every bit as much a winner as she is. This is the kind of project for which stations have been waiting for a very long time."

We'll give them that - Marie Osmond is definitely never predictable! One minute she's divorcing her long-term husband, then the next her daughters are calling themselves 'bisexual nymphomaniacs' on MySpace, then her son gets admitted to rehab, then she keels over on live TV and then she's possibly trying to kill herself. That Marie Osmond, seriously, she's zany all the way.

However, we'll admit to being just a little bit worried about the autumn 2009 start date for Marie, because Marie Osmond needs to ride this celebrity train while it's hot. After all, she might be on top of the world now that her fainting episode on Dancing With The Stars has brought her back to public attention - but who knows what'll happen between now and the start of her show? All it'll take is for someone like Geena Davis to go on a reality TV show and faint, vomit and poo down herself on air and - bam - that daytime TV show will be snatched away from Marie faster than you can say Paper Roses.

Read more:

Marie Osmond Waltzes into Daytime - E! Online