An awful lot of good things have happened to Mariah Carey since she decided to not be crazy anymore.

The Photoshop quality of her album artwork improved greatly, for one. Also she stopped making super gay movies, which really is several steps in the right direction. And as far as her actual music goes – people who buy things preview-free really seem to have thought it was good while they walked from the checkout clerk to their car.

Oh – and she found a husband who was willing to stuff her full of a baby. Seemingly.

The media has always had an endless fascination with what’s inside Mariah Carey. That’s how we know last Thanksgiving she was packing half a pound of turkey and a super greasy foot-long turd.

At least they had the decency to post that last bit after typical American holiday meal times.

That fascination is also how we know that, despite not having any acknowledgment from the Carey camp whatsoever, that woman is almost definitely strutting around with a baby saddled on her liver. The evidence for this is good. The New York Post has it:

“Spies in LA saw the songbird coming out of a well-known ob/gyn’s office on North Crescent Boulevard, “clutching what looked like a sonogram and being greeted by her entourage with cheers. She was ebullient.” It was the same type of paper that Minnie Driver was holding when she found out she was pregnant at the same doctor’s office.”

It’s a much stronger indicator than last time. You know, if she plans it right Carey could record her entire next album while she’s pushing out that baby. Those high notes would be really high, unless she gets a cesarean. Even so – all that maniacal, pain-laced screaming could lend itself well to a Halloween album or something. The lyrics should be about seeing guts and intestines enveloping your child.

That’s quite a head start we just gave her. If this thing goes Grammy we absolutely demand to be standing at the podium up there with her. We’d look pretty good – especially if, again, she’s still split open on a medical gurney.

Of course that opens up all sorts of questions about the space time continuum. She can’t still be split open from labour while she accepts a music award for an album she made while she was split open for labour. If there’s a way, we don’t know what it is.

If you know a way please tell us. We’ve got an empty awards shelf in the garage that only gets used as a cat perch.