Mariah Carey Fascinated By Eminem’s Fascination With Mariah Carey

Now hecklerspray's never stalked anyone, let's get that out of the way right from the get-go. We have, however, been unwillingly subjugated to a series of strange coincidences that made us run into Sarah Silverman several times in three different grocery stores, twice at the bathtub in Jimmy Kimmel's master bathroom, and once through that one-way glass window down at the precinct.

What we're saying here is nothing in our background allows us to relate in the slightest to Eminem's soul-filling fascination for Mariah Carey. We don't understand why he keeps begging her to be his sexy baby maker, we don't know why all his latest rhymes have ended in 'ariah', 'arey', or 'ainfully boring to listen to', and most of all we don't understand why he never actually said any of that stuff and forced us to make it up. It's hard, you know?

But the lady Carey thinks he's addicted to her anyway. She's pretty much said so, but probably in a high pitched wailing voice that hurts a little to listen to.

The retarded amongst us might argue that Mariah Carey is at the top of her game. She's got her curvy old-lady legs insured for almost their full value, the French don't mind when she pees in restaurants, name-wise she's practically in porn, and on top of all that she's got the undying love of Eminem. Oh, did we say love? Maybe we totally effed that wording up. This is how the human-butterfly put it:

"Something is clearly askew with him and I'm not quite sure what it is, I just heard something else he recently said about me. I'm curious as to why he's so obsessed with me."

Well that sounds more like Eminem hates Carey, now doesn't it? Not to worry Mariah, as the famed white rapper is all too eager to marry people he hates. And we've got a feeling about you two. We think that if you guys really want it, and you work hard for it, you can make it happen. Then pretty soon you'll be living a the typical American family life-style full of kids that love you, cookie toting neighbours, and one of those life-insurance policies that pays by the stab wound.

We heard some of them pay like that you know.

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Eminem obsessed with Mariah Carey? - Actress Archives