Last time we counted our posterity was in 1996, at which time we had something like three sons and some girls we’re told were genetically similar to us. It was a wonderful time – we played ball with the boys, we went to movies with the boys, and we lit sparklers every single night all summer long. With the boys.

Then in 2005 our daughters, whom we’ve always loved as if they were our own, got like $41,000 from a lawsuit stemming from a “foster home” incident. We were mortified to learn of their troubles, and want them to know we always stood by them even when they grew up in a different state. We also want them to know we like red ferraris and weekly cash gifts.

Now we’re not saying Jamie Spears’ parenting skills are anything like our own – but right now he’s getting paid to be Brit-Brit’s Daddy. In cash. Because the courts demanded it.

Justice is sweet.