You know, we really couldn't give two hoots about this climate change faff, and that's how it'll stay – unless a middle-aged woman in a leotard writes a piss-weak ballad about climate change, of course, because then we'll reverse our opinions instantly.
Wait, what's that? A middle aged woman in a leotard has written a piss-weak ballad about climate change, you say? And that middle aged woman is Madonna? And Madonna's climate change song is called Hey You and it's being given away as a free download to help promote the Live Earth concerts this summer? Well, that's us convinced, then – where do we sign up to become eco-warriors? Madonna writing a not very good song for Live Earth has inspired us to turn off all our electronic equipment right away to reduce carbon emissions and help the environment. And if doing this means we'll also avoid ever hearing Madonna's genuinely awful Live Earth song again, well, that's all the better.
The environment of the planet is crumbling – this much we know. Icecaps are melting, the gulf stream is slowing, whole species of animals are migrating ever further northwards to avoid extinction and creating complex ecosystem problems as a result and Earth's non-renewable sources are being gobbled up at an alarming rate. So thank fuck that the woman who wrote Hanky Panky is onto it, eh?
Despite only ever shitting through a toilet seat once before throwing it away, Madonna is getting right behind the climate change cause by headlining the Live Earth concerts this summer. But Madonna wants to help the climate change in more ways than just driving her SUV to a huge electricity-spewing stadium filled with tens of thousands of people all eating burgers out of polystyrene boxes that's being broadcast to millions of people watching on their carbon-dumping TV sets. And making lofty statements about saving the world by wiping your bum less has never been Madonna's style. So what else can Madonna do?
Quit music and dedicate her life to tirelessly researching the causes of climate change? Give away all her money to fund the prevention of climate change? Or just write a soppy pointless song that hasn't really got much to do with climate change and hope that it'll do instead?
Obviously it's the last one, as E! Online reports:
In honor of the upcoming Live Earth concerts, Madonna has penned a new single, "Hey You," which she will perform at the July 7 event at London's Wembley Stadium, her record label said Thursday. Fans can download the Pharrell Williams-produced track for free on liveearth.msn.com through May 24. For the first million downloads, Microsoft has pledged to donate 25 cents per download to the Alliance for Global Climate Change.
But what about Madonna's Live Earth song Hey You itself? Is it good? What do you think – it's an overly sentimental acoustic ballad that sounds like pre-Ray Of Light Madonna before she realised that people liked her more when she wasn't churning out overly sentimental acoustic ballads, complete with lines like "Hey you/ Don't you give up/ It's not so bad/ There's still a chance for us" and several references to "loving yourself" which we're pretty sure means "wanking."
First Sharon Stone wrote her Hurricane Katrina song and now Madonna has written her Live Earth song – what is it with the stars of early-nineties erotic thrillers and hamfisted socially-aware charity records? Next thing we know Mimi Rogers from Full Body Massage will release a song called I Love Darfur and we'll all go straight to to hell.
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Pale Jesson says
Hi there,
It’s great to encounter your ongoing misogyny. Why not save your hatred, your malice and your slander for, say, wifebeaters and rapists?
What’s most wonderful about your Madonna article is that en route to insulting her, you insult two other women, Sharon Stone and mimi Rogers as well.
Dawn says
thank you thank you thank you for pointing out the absurdity of most celebrities as well as their narcissistic belief that they have any redeeming social values.
Your sarcasm is well placed and well done. May you continue to amuse and annoy
Joey says
Oh shut up Pale.
Hecklerspray f**k up sometimes but in this instance, ripping the p*ss out of a person (male of female) who uses toilet seats once and crotch baring, fur wearing Sharon Stone
and (dunno who Mimi Rogers is) and I forgot my point, but it was funny all the same.
The fact is, they’re arse holes and they think they can preach to others.
Celebrities in general should just shut the heck up about the environment. They’re just trying to justify the fact they fly everywhere in private jets, are chauffered and earn loads but
still wanna be seen as ‘human’.
When they are in fact, scum.
kate says
THANK YOU JOEY!!!!
Oh no, they think you are to stupid to think for yourself which is why you should listen to them ?! Like P.Hilton for ince…GGGRRRRRR
Let’s face it people, she wrote a song, she needs publicity, and she’s old. Misogyny??? Gimme a break, that’s not misogyny it FACT!! Does anyone honestly believe that Madonna is really worried about global warming??and not her lagging record sales, and i don’t care if she sold a billion albums, the music industry is loosing boatloads because of what my friends?? DOWNLOADING
PS Pale – dude, chill out, the truth is always stranger that fiction. At least hecklerspray has the cajones (balls) to tell it like it it.
Mithaearon says
Pale wrote:”What’s most wonderful about your Madonna article is that en route to insulting her, you insult two other women, Sharon Stone and mimi Rogers as well.”
Cool! Hecklerspray gave us 3 insults for the price of 1! How is that for value?
Kalyx says
wow! sharp, harsh! good points…i vote you for president. from the fallen one.
it all seems to have gotten very out of a hand. This celebbry bullshit. I mean, get this, another fricken fascist, from austria of all places, who aint even national, trying to be president of the US of A. you know that T2 guy.
when will we ever learn.
I knew I shoulda taken that left turn at albequerqui.
Todd says
Well I guess it is better to be bitter and piss on everyone , then when shit happens and you die is a pool of your own shit and vomit you can say
I told you so to all the other people who give a shit about anything. At least please dont reproduce because one fucked uped negative piece of
shit is enough and with all the shit you are really fucking up the climate with your hateful waste. so put a cork in t and and just check out and
save the planet in your own small way.
much love
Sub says
where is “albequerqui” anyway?…..
save the planet?? are you serious? Roger Daltrey was quotes as saying “The last thing the earth needs is a rock concert”, and that about sums it up. How bout Al Gore simply directing all his drones to donate $100 to climate change awareness (whatever that is) instead of spending it on a rock concert? now wait, that’s no fun! that doesn’t provide a BS pulpit for a litany of “advocates” that haven’t seen the inside of a Light Rail Line since before I was born. i’m all for saving the planet, but how can people be duped and mislead by these posers? classic “do as i say, not as i do” BS. Gore lives in a 12,000 sq ft energy hog of a house, flies private air, etc etc. His personal “green score” is way worse than mine, but somehow he gets to lecture you about what YOU should do nad how YOU should change.. funny how it somehow doesn’t apply to he or laurie david. what a bunch of crap, and thank g-d many people are speaking out about it. maybe the shaming will open the airwaves for some credible spokespersons on this issue.
Wadey says
I got up this morning and it’s still fxxxxxx freezing so Global Warming isn’t my main concern today. Of course I still haven’t recovered from the Multi Million pound Millennium Bug and feel sure it was to blame for the demise of my grannies toaster. Roll on the next ice-age and see if it saves Spain’s crashing property market that’s what I say.
PS Is it me or do pop concerts look and sound sxxt in daylight ?