When Madonna visits Malawi, it tends to be because she wants to adopt another one of its adorable orphans.
But not this time. This time Madonna has gone to Malawi to launch her brand new school, the Raising Malawi Academy for Girls. It’s a noble gesture – Madonna wants to use the school to “focus on empowering women to become leaders, not like that fat idiot Guy Ritchie”. We made part of that quote up. We won’t tell you which part.
Anyway, it’s a great idea – thanks to Madonna the girls will graduate stronger, more empowered and legally recognised as one of Madonna’s own children. What’s not to love?
People of Malawi, we have two pieces of wonderful news for you. The first piece of wonderful news is that you don’t need to glue false moustaches to the faces of your children to pass them off as tiny, middle-aged waiters – yes, Madonna’s coming to visit, but she isn’t interested in adopting anybody this time. Your children are safe.
The second piece of good news is that, thanks to the Raising Malawi Academy For Girls, an entire generation of Malawian girls can now grow up to be just like Madonna. Not only does that mean that they’ll get first-hand information about how to piss off the pope, but it’s also going to be a boost for the nation’s faltering disgusting old lady leotard manufacturing industry. Obviously.
And those two pieces of good news are interlinked – Madonna is in Malawi to lay the foundation stone of the new academy. CNN reports:
The school will focus on empowering women to become leaders, the singer said on a Web site run by her charity. “Our goal is to teach them to challenge themselves, serve their local communities and develop their country,” she said. ” … Research proves that young girls throughout the developing world are often left without opportunities to receive a comprehensive education.”
If any of this sounds familiar, then that’s because it is. Madonna’s school is modelled on the academy that Oprah Winfrey built in South Africa two years ago, although instead of systematic sexual abuse, the students at Madonna’s school will simply receive the secrets of Madonna’s success – you know, how to constantly reinvent yourself, how to star in some of the worst films ever made, how to date boys young enough to feasibly be your grandchildren, how to practise a faddish, badly-defined spiritual mysticism that seems to largely revolve around expensive bottled water, that sort of thing.
But you know what? Good for Madonna. At least she’s doing something. Maybe it’s time that other stars took a leaf out of her book and started building schools in far away countries to push their hokey religious beliefs and smooth over any future roadblocks standing between them and the country’s delicious orphans. You other celebrities should be ashamed.
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Kate says
Your cheap shot against Oprah’s school is disgusting. Sexual abuse happens at every school in the world, you just hear about it at Oprah’s school because she so famous. Oprah is to be praised for building a school in a country with the highest rape rate in the world, & then when abuse does occur, instead of sweeping it under the rug as is so often the case, she faced the world with a live press conference, launched an investigation & encouraged the girls to testify at trial. That’s leadership.
Tom J says
You seem to be confusing “leadership” with “desperately trying to avert a public relations disaster”.
tanya says
sexual abuse happens at EVERY SCHOOL IN THE WORLD??
I’m scared.
halo3v says
uh not every school in the world…okay maybe every school in the 3 world..
Kate needs to pull her head out of her arse and acknowledge the following:
1. These schools are set up as TAX SHELTERS
2. These schools are set up as yet another EGO adventure
3. These schools are set up so those who run them can bleat on about how much good they do for society…EGO
Maybe Madge and O could spend some of that money in the states…..errr now, I guess the tax shelter thing doesn’t work out so well…
Bloody hippocrits (misspell intentional)
Kitsune says
Every school in the world??? Holy fuck! I must not remember a large portion of my life!! I moved around a lot with my family and attended many schools. I feel so… violated now…
Wait, are you sure EVERY FUCKING SCHOOL IN THE ENTIRE DAMN WORLD? That just seems a little rediculous. Just a little.
Okay a lot, it’s a lot rediculous. It’s so rediculous that i’m just going to assume that you have no idea what your talking about. And with that assumption I am going to make a wild accusation.
You Kate, are a dolphin.