Madonna, famously, is the queen of reinvention. And by 'reinvention', we mean dying her hair every couple of years and making songs that a focus group tells her will appeal to the key ABC1 16-24 demographic.
But Madonna is also able to reinvent herself on and off the stage, too. Onstage, Madonna is an old lady making hamfisted political statements on a cross wearing weeny knickers that show off her vag. But offstage, Madonna is a 47-year-old woman who wakes up in the morning and uses her veiny clawlike hands to exclusively drag on all the latest lines by Swedish clothesmonkeys H&M. Trouble is, people are saying that Madonna is a little too old to be wearing H&M gear.
When Madonna signed up to exclusively wear H&M clothes offstage on her current tour, many people scratched their heads in confusion. For all of H&M's claims that:
"We look forward to seeing how her touring family translates H&M's seasonal trends to their own personal looks."
The most common response was something along the lines of "Madonna? That old woman with a hernia who keeps falling off horses and made that rubbish Swept Away film that didn't even get a cinema release because it was so cockawful? She's a bit old to be the face of affordable Swedish fashion houses, isn't she?"
One such critic is 'ad-guru' Jerry Della Femina, who thinks that Madonna being signed up to front an H&M campaign is tantamount to getting Gary Glitter to front a campaign for sexy clothes for schoolgirls. While dressed only in his pants. And licking his lips. Seriously, Jerry is pissed:
"These kids trade in stars every two or three years, and many don't know Madonna."
But the critics shouldn't be upset at Madonna for being an exceptionally inappropriate model. After all, Jesus isn't angry at her for twatting about on a cross, so people like Jerry Della Femina shouldn't be angry at her for wearing some clothes that are slightly too young for her. Liz Rodenberg, Madonna's spokesperson, responded to the 'too old' claims by saying:
"I defy any 18-year-old to do a quarter of what Madonna does on stage. I hope Jerry Della Femina takes a nice pill."
And just in case any 18-year-old decides to take up Liz Rosenburg on her challenge and do a quarter of what Madonna does on stage, could they try and make it the quarter that lasted from 1982-1989? Because Madonna got a bit shit after that, didn't she?
[story by Stuart Heritage]