Time for the dressmakers of the world to prepare their obscene leotards – Madonna is going on a world tour. This means that fans in several countries can see the outline of Madonna’s labia in real life!
We don’t know about you, but we can’t wait for the Madonna world tour – because we’re making a list of must-do things and the ‘paying more money than is really sensible to see a 47-year-old woman dress like a teenager and sing disappointing new songs’ entry has been left so far unchecked.
Following the announcement that she is to play the Coachella Festival,
Madonna has announced a full, brand new world tour. Which would be
exciting enough, apart from the fact that – after a year which saw
Madonna fall off a horse and get a hernia removed
– we wouldn’t be surprised if the stage show revolved mainly around
Madonna sitting a lovely big rocking chair, covered in a peuce knitted
blanket and mumbling her way absent-mindedly through her hits of
yesteryear while complaining about how young policemen look these days.
Of course that’s not going to happen – Madonna is still as down with the kids as ever, and has promised fans that:
"I’m going to turn the world into one big dancefloor."
Madonna kicks off her world tour in Los Angeles on May 21, with further American dates in Chicago,
Boston, San Jose, Phoenix, Fresno, Las Vegas, Philadelphia, Atlantic
City, Miami, Montreal and New York, while European Madonna fans can
catch her in Cardiff, London, Amsterdam, Paris, Rome, Hanover, Dusseldorf and Horsens in Denmark.
with tradition, Madonna plans to charge fans ludicrous amounts of money
to see her perform on her world tour – anything up to £160. But we’re
sure there’s a logical reason for the monumental ticket prices; after all, someone’s got to pay for all of Lourdes’ therapy bills.
[story by Stuart Heritage]