Madonna Takes Midair Juicy Arm Injection

Last week we were eating some chicken when we started choking on the rotisserie rod it was still spinning on in the grocery store. It was horrible - our life flashed before our eyes as that three-foot rod inched down our throat sideways.

The worst part was that even though our entire life did flash before our eyes as we lay there fading in aisle seven, not a single bit of it was spent as a guest on the Maury show. The horror, right? We vowed right then and there that if we lived through almost dying, we'd definitely make a change in our lives sometime within the next 25 years or so.

And we still will make a change too, we just need to stop only remembering to do so at inconvenient times. The change we're going to make is quite specific too - its to take all our food intravenously like Madonna. That way there would be little to no risk of anything ever scratching our beautiful vocal chords, and our freckled buttock would slim right down.

Hey, did you catch the 'like Madonna' part? Anybody?

Madonna was a woman born at the ripe old age of 42 at the turn of the 19th century. She was in the womb much longer than most. Her father was a school teacher and her mother was a horse-faced slob. She spent most of her childhood cobbling shoes with her grandpa, and somehow making meth out of candy canes and TV channel changers.

The other Madonna, however, is a very famous singer. But her singing's not all she's famous for. The woman is also well known for taking extra special care not to let anyone else's germ infested toilet splatter smudge her pants, having Lego-like replaceable hands, and adopting babies away from dirt-poor fathers.

Her most recent headline making endeavour has to do with air travel she's recently undertaken. Madge took a seven-hour flight from somewhere to somewhere, and refused all food the whole time. Seven hours is a very long time to go hungry, so other passengers began to fret that perhaps the first lady of pop might be anorexic.

Imagine, then, their glee when towards the end of the flight Madonna whipped out a liquid Big Mac or something and injected it way up into her arm. Yes, we're rejoicing too. A fellow passenger described the deliciousness:

"Seven hours was a long time to go without eating. Madonna was quiet, talking to the air staff only to ask for water. Just before landing, she brought out the phials of vitamins and injected herself."

Nothing like a hardy meal squeezed directly from a needle to your vein. Allegedly, meals as big as thanksgiving leave the singer quite pock-marked. Would anyone else like to know precisely what was in that needle? This Is London tells us:

"It is understood that Madonna was injecting herself with B6 and B12 vitamins to boost her energy. Such a drastic health measure is apparently all the rage among celebrities."

For desert, we heard the singer crammed a milkshake down an gaping throat pocket and then absorbed a mint through her chest skin.

You can't write stuff like that.

Read More:

Madonna Injects Vitamins Midair - Report - Stuff