When Madonna's not adopting other people's children or passionately rolling around beaches with other men right in front of her husband's camera, she likes to referee fights between self-important billionaires and lesbian comics.
Of course, this all means Madonna was is in hog-heaven when she heard about the long drawn-out word battle between Rosie 'Ching chong' O'Donnell and Donald 'Live in tents y'all suckas' Trump. As such, the single-named singer has risen from her golden castle atop a fluffy cloud to take sides in this matter that already turned painfully boring a few weeks back.
On a side note, inside sources tell us the cloud Madge lives on is a cumulus – a very economical choice by all reports.
Rosie O'Donnell & Donald Trump (referred as Rosie O'Donald for the purposes of this article) have had a feud going on way too long. Seriously, where hecklerspray comes from, this whole squabble would have been settled with white glove slaps and multiple scratchings like a week ago. Alas, the rest of the world is wholly uncivilised, which brings us to round 16 of the Rosie O'Donald fight.
And round 16, as you may have expected, includes Madonna picking sides. On NBC's Today morning show, the singer explained her thoughts on the matter:
"People are giving Rosie a hard time, I wish they'd stop. I don't think it's fair… Basically, I mean, she's a stand-up comic. I think all stand-up comics talk about provocative things in their monologues before shows, and I think that's a commonplace thing. I don't know exactly the content of what she said, but I have a feeling that if every stand-up comic was penalised for saying politically incorrect things or provocative things, I think they'd all be hung in the public square."
Madonna, publicly hanging stand up comics is not funny, and we are ever so offended by the thought of it. Now you have a feud on your hands. That's right, either you take that back and admit the only acceptable way to kill a comic is privately in a stone basement for groups of five or less, or it is on! And you don't want a word battle with us Madonna. There are over three of us, two of which are quite good at listing off all swears in or out of alphabetical order. Why, we wouldn't even be above dragging your two white kids into this – you push our buttons and we'll call them ugly and fat! We mean it!
We'll leave your black kid alone though, because he has dimples.