Madonna Shows Her Age By Joining Instagram Once Everyone’s Abandoned It

madonna-instagram

Poor Madonna. In a desparate attempt to remain hip, cool and happening (three words that no-one under the age of 55 uses) she desperately clings to various attempts to be relevant – and often ends up falling arse over elbow.

It’s like your grandparents joining Facebook then friend requesting you. Suddenly, you feel like everything you do is disgusting and terrible. So of course Madge keeps trying similar things. Her latest is being on Instagram.

Now, in doing so, she seems to have forgotten that everyone abandoned Instagram a few months ago when they decided that they own the copyright on every image you upload. It’d be funny if it wasn’t kind of sad. It’s like Madonna herself is turning up to a party with a couple of wine coolers in her hands except that it’s 4am, everyone’s asleep or gone home, and all that’s left is a cat that was force-fed the punch earlier in the night quietly vomiting in the front yard.

Madonna

But still, Madonna valiantly tried to power through and act relevant. Even her first post on the service was kind of awkward for how ill-fitting it was. Alongside the weird image of her emaciated face suckling on what looks to be a solid silver cocktail glass (the kind of thing you’d get alongside your lamé tie-dye carpet in the 1970s) was this forthright message:

Cheers motherfuckers! I’m on instagram

Quite.

It gets worse though. There are plenty of embarassing pictures already online of Madonna that she’s uploaded to her Instagram page: not least one which looks at first sight like it’s a post-coital still from a homemade porn movie starring her.

madonna-sweat

You watched it. You can’t unwatch it. Now get that horrible image out of your head.

Then there are other ones, such as the totally inexplicable sight of her with some sort of beanie hat tied around her face in the style of a handlebar moustache. I mean, she seems to have got the whole concept of the internet right: you post inane shit that no-one really cares about to the world and think that it’s the most important/funniest thing anyone’s ever done.

madonna-moustache

But there’s the fact that Instagram’s jumped the shark. Really, she should be Vineing stuff, not taking stills. And imagine how weird six seconds with Madonna would be. That’s the sort of thing that would get her the cool points she seems to so desperately crave.

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Comments

  1. Zarc says

    Really? Desperate? Come on now, stop being ridiculous! Madonna is the last person on earth requiring attention. Stop being a sourpuss child!

  2. john says

    Chris. You, my dear, are a article writer while madonna is a trillionaire, diva, queen of pop. I pity your choice of profession. It must be embarassing to spend your time bashing others. Get a life!

  3. john says

    Continuing to remove honest responses to your agesit article is undemocratic. If u can publish insults and criticism about others, if you wholeheartedly make it your shtick, you should be able to receive it as easily. Be a man(?).

  4. webgoil says

    The only person heckling Madonna is you. Everyone knows Madonna is awesome. Looks like you’re the one “falling arse over elbow”. It’s exciting that Madonna joined Instagram and “hip”, “cool” and “happening” are words that only people truly comfortable with themselves use, no matter what age!

  5. bitchfuck says

    chris starr should be the last human to describe “cool”, what happend to real journalism…

  6. jkaefi says

    MADONNA IS THE COOLEST 50+ PERSON THERE IS!!!! AGE IS JUST A NUMBER–SHE IS MORE THAN RELEVANT—HER TOUR WAS THE HIGHEST GROSSING ONCE AGAIN HER SECOND TIME IN HER 50S—U JUST HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING TO DRAW ATTENTION TO HER AGE AND SAY SHE IS DESPERATE TO STAY RELEVANT–HARDLY—SHE IS THE QUEEN OF POP AND EVEN AT THE SUPERBOWL SHE DREW IN THE HIGHEST RATINGS IN SUPERBOWL HISTORY W HER HALFTIME SHOW-SHE EVEN TOPPED BEYONCE WHO IS LIKE 20 YEARS YOUNGER!!! MADONNA NOT RELEVANT? WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!!!! YOURE NOT RELEVANT!!!!!!!

  7. Alan says

    Madonna has earned 12% of all the money generated in the music industry last year, an all time record, is now the most viewed singer in concerts in history and last year she beat 6 all timw world records. This on top of getting and still holding the record of highest viewes ever on TV in the US. Her tour was the most spectacular and advanced in history, 10 years ahead of anything else, the greatest grossing by miles, and MDNA shows she is musically 5 years ahead of anybody else. On top of that, she was voted by Billboard readers the favourite singer of alls (again!) Haters, get a life and check facts: it’s pathetic to say that just because she joined a website she is ‘desperate’ to stay hip. If she is not hip, no one is according to facts. I am sick of haters lying through their teeth in the face of evidence. If she is no longer relevant, explain how she is by far more successful than anybody else! She earned 500 million in 2012! 10 times what Gaga has made in her career, and an all time record for ANY star ever (by far again) and got her album nr 1 in every itune chart in the world, no exception. Get real!

  8. Kevin says

    If she is so irrelevant, why did she have the top grossing tour last year and why did you waste such time writing this poorly written article? Maybe you wrote it because you know that a highly relevant topic, such as Madonna, will garner your article a high number of impressions (hits) due to the subject matter…Irony anyone?

  9. Max says

    This guy obviously knows nothing about what really happened with Instagram. For the most part he’s wrong. I’m pretty sure they aren’t losing users. Also this guy fails to mention that Justin Timberlake joined Instagram just 1 day after Madonna posted her first selfie!

  10. Jason says

    Chris Starr, this is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever read. That’s MY opinion. Now quit using Madonna’s name to try and get attentn.

  11. Pj says

    Madonna, Whenever you find yourself the victim of others peoples bitterness, smallness, jealousy, ignorance or insecurities, remember things could be worse you could be one of them.

    Madonna is the queen learn it!

  12. Klover Jane says

    Instagram and social sites are for bedwetters. Madonna isnt irrellevant but I dont need to view her portraits all day. Or post my vanity with apps like facebook or instagram. Quirky lil pics at the mall or bar, or behind a dumpster shooting up. Clevage shots. ?.hey look at me me me me.!

  13. blah says

    You ppl are funny, the only ppl coming here are the fans, thats why your all pissed..lol, the author did his job. Your all being trolled..lol

  14. dave says

    as a 26 year old madonna fan i can say this article is completely accurate. i dont know what planet the rest of you dinosaurs live on but the way she is embracing aging is tacky and is forever going to tarnish how she will be remembered. her pics look downright creepy.

  15. eros says

    But you know, the only way you can get attention, is to mention her name. It’s a formula that worked well since day one. The British tabloids knew this and now in the digital age, all it takes is an ageist Madonna article to get web hits. Who else but Madonna could join Instagram and get tabloids and gossiprags on her tail? It’s part of the game. Madonna joins instagram. The pics are tabloid-bait worthy. You write an ageist article about her joining instagram. You get traction, she gets traction. Isn’t this how the game is played?

    A true sign of her irrelevance, is to not even mentioning her. But you won’t get hits with that, would you?

  16. Jeff says

    It does kind of looking like she’s drinking piss. Sure, she is entertaining, (love Vouge) but she is the preminent attention whore.

  17. Derrick Kardos says

    yet another article about how old and irrelevant madonna is.
    yawn.
    dont you press people get it yet? she thrives on your hatred.

  18. Greg says

    I dont understand that here is so many people thinking that Madonna is amazing. She WAS a good singer, yes, but now she should really just sing and not show her nipples and ass. Imagine your mother do that. I would feel eshamed for her. She is desperate for attention, why does she need to do all these things? Does she has not enough money? Not. She is just sick.