Madonna Possibly Looks In A-Rod’s General Direction! Disgusting!
Madonna has never been shy about displaying her love, and by ‘love’ we obviously mean ‘grotty old lady vagina’.
But her actual love? That’s a different story. Madonna knows that love is a tender and private thing, and therefore always keeps it to herself like a coy little schoolgirl. A schoolgirl who’s been dipped into an acid bath and then sandblasted, obviously, but a schoolgirl nonetheless.
This coyness was on full show last night, when Madonna sat her rumoured new boyfriend Alex Rodriguez in the front row of her concert in Miami and kept making funny little glances towards him during some of her more sentimental songs. Oh, and she did something else to him as well – something mind-scarringly ghastly. Not an exaggeration.
Keep it to yourself, but the divorce between Guy Ritchie and Madonna might have actually been quite a good idea in retrospect. While they were married, Guy Ritchie made some of the worst films in history and Madonna… well, she made some of the worst films in history too, but there’s nothing particularly new about that.
But since the divorce, everything has changed. There’s a fighting chance that Guy Ritchie’s new Sherlock Holmes movie won’t be an absolute dogturd, and Madonna seems revitalised by her new freedom. Not only is she openly discussing her feelings now, but it seems like she’s edging her supposed relationship with Alex Rodriguez closer and closer into the public eye.
True, Madonna isn’t spending Thanksgiving with Alex Rodriguez, but yesterday she gave him the next best thing – a front row seat at her Sticky And Sweet concert in Miami. And one of the good seats, too – one where where you can see every vein pulsing in her labia underneath whatever borderline-illegal excuse for a leotard she’s decided to wear.
More than that, though, Madonna also treated Alex Rodriguez to something that literally dozens of gay South African men would kill for – she personally serenaded him. According to reports, as well as exchanging shy little glances through the concert, Madonna kept her eyes trained on Alex Rodriguez throughout the duration of You Must Love Me, welling up with tears when A-Rod smiled back at her.
By the way, we’re not sure if Madonna chose You Must Love Me because the title forms part of her sci-fi brainwashing of Alex Rodriguez or not. We’re guessing she did, because she similarly maintained eye contact with Rodriguez throughout two new songs: Hey, How About A Bit Of Foreplay Now And Again and Take The Rubbish Out, Slave.
Anyway, tender unspoken dedications weren’t the only thing that Madonna had in store for Alex Rodriguez during her concert. May we present to you the single most nightmarishly disgusting sentence ever published on hecklerspray, courtesy of The New York Daily News:
In a couple of hotter moments, Madge gyrated in A-Rod’s direction while winking at him and later went pneumatic on a speaker while staring his way.
Pneumatic. Gyrated. Winking. Bleurgh. We’d just like to apologise for any nausea, mental dislocation, shrieking night terrors, exploding eye haemorrhoids, dizziness, murderous rages or gout brought on by that last sentence. Remember, the New York Daily News wrote it, not us.
Still, though, so long as Madonna and Alex Rodriguez are happ… no. No we can’t do it. No funny last sentence here – we’re genuinely going to vomit. Sorry.
You are very sexist in your judgements. Srsly.This is obviously written by a man. And if not, I feel very sorry for you.
Madonna is so hideous in so many ways that it’s almost unfathomable she’s a celebrity. I guess that just shows why our society has so many flaws.
I will say I give Guy Ritchie a lot of credit for not taking money from Madge. He will have a lot more freedom to be snarky to her in the future, now.
i agree. madonna is quite the most repulsive “star” on this planet. i reckon a-rod will soon wish he’d just left her alone with a rod.
“This is obviously written by a man.”
…
How many chicks called “Stuart” do you know, Kelly?
Furthermore, your assertion that “This is obviously written by a man. And if not, I feel very sorry for you” implys that you feel sorry for anyone who is not a man. Which in itself is both sexist and, apparently, self-loathing.
Now that Madonna is a man does this make Alex Rodriguez gay?
Also being that Madonna looks like a corpse now (see http://groups.msn.com/_Secure/0LgAAAPoP12rJgDXLmnjeWidJjuEPzk6yah2lq3rFOWkug6Lx5Xowum6mCNR6ZlLuVixIeNmYaT8/Hag.jpg ) does this also make Alex Rodriguez a necrophiliac?
Does that mean he is a gay necrophiliac?
Also he is interested in Madonna which means he must be both deaf and blind so does that make Alex Rodriguez a deaf, blind, gay necrophiliac?
‘does that make Alex Rodriguez a deaf, blind, gay necrophiliac?’
that is so typical. You must be a man, and if not, well, maybe you want to be a man. He is a baseball player and is obviously retarded and likes to fuck women who look like you dug them out of the ground. What self respecting sportsman doesn’t?
“I ain’t seen nothign like him in any baseball hall, that deaf, blind, gay necrophiliac sure plays a mean pinball”
i can see it now. Hecklersprays ‘Top 10 corpses you would like to fuck’
10. Lucy – Early hominids need love too.
9. That Hobbit Thing – Different species? WHO KNOWS! All we know is that hairy toes turn us the fuck ON.
8. Marilyn Monroe – This embalmed bombshell really “blows our dress up”!
7. Bob Hope – He is dead, right? Somebody check on that.
6. Frida Kahlo – Who cares if she had a mustache in life, all her skin is probably decomposed off anyway.
5. Pol Pot – Leader of the totally hottest extermination campaign in Southeast Asia in the 20th century. *pant pant pant*
4. Britney Spears – We’re convinced that “Circus” was simply a product of postmortem spasm.
3. Marc Antony – I come to bang Caesar, not to praise him.
2. Andrea Dworkin – Her being dead probably wouldn’t change the experience much.
1. Maximilien Robespierre – I bet he gives good head! Ha ha, kill me.
What, no Milton from Office Space?
I killed that joke stone dead, and you can’t touch me, copper.