As you read this, there's a good chance that Madonna's new son David Banda is settling into his life in Britain by acting like any normal British child – riding a Shetland pony around his estate, sipping Pimms and firing a shotgun at ramblers.
Despite all this, though, Madonna still faces an onslaught of public suspicion over the events surrounding her visit to Malawi and subsequent adoption of David Banda. So much so that Madonna has been interviewed about the adoption for Newsnight, where Madonna denies that David Banda had regular contact with his Malawi family in his orphanage, and that she even offered to pay support money to David Banda if it meant he could stay in Malawi at one point. However, the current situation is thought to be a win-win result, because now David Banda can enjoy all that Britain has to offer, at least until his 16th birthday where Madonna will have him killed, skinned and fashioned into an attractive hat. Or something.
If Madonna thought that joining a funny religion was controversial, or that taking the piss out of Jesus in a concert was controversial, she would have never been able to imagine the level of controversy that going to Malawi and adopting a boy would entail. Madonna likes controversy, so she must be having a ball at the moment. Madonna's adoption of David Banda has caused controversy at home – Guy Ritchie apparently wasn't too sold on this adoption idea, controversy from her colleagues – Madonna's slaves had to plead ignorance about the adoption, controversy from Malawi human rights groups and controversy from David Banda's illiterate father.
In the face of all this controversy, Madonna is on the defensive. There's already been an adoption statement on Madonna's website and Madonna has also been on Oprah to explain that the media is to blame for all this mess for reporting possible international adoption breaches instead of, say, reporting how lovely Madonna's new hands look all the time. And now Madonna is hitting the big time; she's had an interview with flagship BBC news show Newsnight – a show where politicians are routinely punched about the face if they don't respond correctly to questions – about the adoption.
Madonna being Madonna, though, the interview seemed to take place inside some kind of ridiculous candlelit Bedouin tent instead of an actual serious TV studio. Presumably Madonna's first request to be interviewed atop a giant silver crucifix while a swarm of African orphans washed her clean with their tears was turned down. But as for the interview itself – to be broadcast tonight – Madonna denied claims that David Banda was in regular contact with his family before she took him to Britain, and explained that she offered to pay to support David Banda if he could stay in Malawi:
"Yes, I offered that option to the father and he declined. And I never met a granny and I was told… that from the day that he was left in the orphanage he was not visited by any extended family members and that's really why I became interested in him. If someone had said to me, 'His dad comes every week or his granny visits on a regular basis and he's well looked after,' I would not even have given it another thought… One [worrying condition] was the fact that, according to the reverend who ran the orphanage that David came from, his father never visited him. His father lived 50 or 60km away, had no car, had no money and, as far as I was told, had remarried and moved on with his life."
We've said it before, but perhaps this Newsnight interview will finally put the whole Madonna adoption issue to bed, allowing Madonna and David Banda to spend some important bonding time together. Also, be sure to tune into Newsnight tomorrow night, when Jeremy Paxman grills Nelly Furtado about her favourite pair of fucking trousers.