Madonna and Jesus wish to complete the holy trinity of bad puns, by procreating. Though probably rumour, it suits our evil ends to mercilessly poke fun of the couple.

51-year-old Madonna and her 23-year-old boyfriend – a boyfriend who appears to have only just sprouted chin pubes – are rumoured to want a child together. Bored with her own children, Madonna has decided to think outside the box.

Rather than inciting another backlash by dancing merrily around the Malawian legal system, Madonna may be growing another baby in her womb. Womb? No, that doesn’t sound quite right. Her womb, um, or whatever hollow space/ other innards she has in lieu of a fully-functioning reproductive system.

The poor child will be her fifth and another adorable gift from the heavens, lovingly tended to by its nanny – aw. We jest. The singer, all joking aside, does seem to be a pretty good mother. Her kids are adorable and they have learnt how to be polite, speak more than one language, and breakdance. The dancing being the only part we care about.

Since there is no way to break into Madonna’s house to monitor whether or not she actually does any mothering, we are forced to use her children’s dancing ability to measure how well they are looked after. Lourdes, her 13-year-old daughter, seems to have learnt how to do some sort of jolly backward flip thing, as seen at the end of her mother’s Celebration video. From this we ascertain that she has learnt sophisticated hand-eye coordination, and the ability break dance her way out of any scrapes she may find herself in. Marvellous.

Oh dear, we’re doing that rather mean thing where we’re slightly too harsh on a particular celebrity, aren’t we? Hm. On the positive side, one of the child’s parents being only 23 years old, according to his last interview at Interview magazine, means that at least one of the parents will still be above ground when the kid’s going through puberty.

There, see, much nicer.

From Digital Spy:

The 51-year-old consulted doctors over conceiving another child after Luz, 23, told her that becoming a father would be his “greatest adventure”.  It is thought that the popstar is convinced Luz will be a good parent and has told friends that she has “endless love” in her heart for another baby.  Referring to Madonna by her nickname Em, a source [said]: “Em says motherhood is her greatest achievement and the most fulfilling thing in her life. She knows that, at 51, it’s going to be harder to conceive naturally. But she is Olympic-athlete fit and is ready for the challenge.”

This was a guest post by Amy Grindhouse, who is just peachy

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