Gap-toothed Valkyrie Madonna (CDs) has revealed that – when it comes to her family life – she is constantly embroiled in a never-ending game of ‘good cop, bad cop‘… in which she takes the Dirty Harry (DVD) role.
It would seem that Madge – who once made a video in which she danced around a field of burning crosses before giving Jesus a good seeing to – is determined to reinvent herself once more, this time as a strict prim-and-proper matriarch. Kind of like Barbara Woodhouse. Except without the yapping little dogs.
Describing the relationship between her, mockney husband Guy Ritchie (DVDs) and their assortment of sprongs, Madonna burbled: "I’m the disciplinarian, Guy’s the spoiler. He’s the fun guy. I’m doctor’s appointments, lessons, homework. He’s good cop, I’m bad cop".
So what punishment does the erstwhile lady of pop see fit to bestow upon her misbehaving brood? Take a look, folks…
"I take privileges away," Madge frowned. "My daughter has a problem picking up in her room, so if you leave your clothes on the floor, they’re going to be gone when you come home. She has to earn all of her clothes back by being tidy."
Devastating. Especially when you consider that most kids caught throwing their stuff around would simply get a great big slap.
Here’s what she should do: every time one of the little blighters starts acting up, simply threaten to show them one of Guy Ritchie’s movies.
"If you don’t eat you greens, you’ll have to watch Lock, Stock And Two Smoking Barrels." Silence. "I’m warning you. Eat your greens or I put the Snatch DVD on." Still more silence. "You’re pushing your luck. Might I remind you that we have a ‘special’ copy of Swept Away for such occasions?" At which point the celebrity child wolfs down their side salad like a vegetarian demon.
Parenting tips? Just ask hecklerspray. We know what’s best.
[story by C J Davies]