We’ve always maintained that African orphans are like Pringles, in that you can fit several of them in a tube.
No, wait, that’s wrong. We meant to say that once you pop, you can’t stop. Just look at Madonna – she’s already popped one African orphan. Adopted. We meant adopted. Just to clear that up, Madonna has in no way ever exploded a parentless African child. Those are just nasty, unfounded rumours. Let’s start again.
Having already adopted one orphan from Malawi, Madonna is said to want to adopt another one. There, that wasn’t so hard, was it? Honestly, sometimes…
Adopting David Banda was one of the best things that Madonna ever did. That’s partly because it was a selfless act of philanthropy and partly because the rest of the items in the Things Madonna Ever Did list are ‘having a creepy gap in her teeth’, ‘getting her fanny out in a book’ and ‘Shanghai Surprise‘ so the competition’s not exactly tough.
But although she battled arguments that she bent international adoption law and bullied a vulnerable father into giving up his son until finally the adoption was made official last year, Madonna has found that the shine’s come off having David Banda around, for the following reasons:
1 – He was just one poverty-stricken Malawian orphan out of hundreds of thousands.
2 – He was raised in part by Guy Ritchie, so he keeps saying things like ‘gor blimey’ and ‘luv a bleedin duck guvnor’ in a preposterous mockney accent.
3 – He’s almost four years old now, which we think makes him just a few months younger than the boy she’s currently dating.
So, with all of these things in mind, it’s been reported that Madonna is on the lookout for another African orphan to catch in her net and suck the youthful energy from. Or adopt, depending on what your definition of these things are. Reuters reports:
Madonna has applied to adopt a second child from Malawi, a High Court clerk said on Thursday, despite the controversy surrounding an earlier adoption by the U.S. pop star in the poor southern African country. She may visit Malawi in the next few days, a government official said earlier. The case will be heard around March 30, said the clerk.
It’s going to be tougher for Madonna adopt another African orphan, that’s for sure. True, she may have proved that she’s able to care for one baby – plus the multi-million dollar school she’s building in the country might grease a few palms – but the last time she adopted an orphan, Madonna was in a secure yet slightly nauseating marriage.
This time around Madonna has to prove that she’ll be able to look after a new orphan at the same time as looking after David Banda, looking after Lourdes, looking after Rocco and looking after her new boyfriend – who we hear is so young that he sometimes wets the bed and cries if he’s not allowed to watch Space Chimps on DVD at least twice a day. Like we said, tough.
But whatever happens, we’d advice other celebrities to hurry up if they want to adopt a foreign child. Angelina Jolie already has South East Asia locked down, and now with Madonna and Meg Ryan annexing Africa and China for themselves respectively, just about the only place left for celebrities to adopt if they want to be cool and unique is Merthyr Tydfil. And who’d want a Welsh baby? Ugh.
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