Madonna love Malawi, this much we know. Madonna loves Malawi like she loves horrific leotards and getting her arm muscles all veiny.
And that's why Madonna recently invited every single famous person alive to the United Nations to help raise money to save Malawi.
A noble gesture, sure, but not especially long-sighted – because now that Madonna's helping to get Malawi richer, she's effectively reducing the number of penniless illiterate Malawian widowers who she can confuse into letting her adopt their children in the future. Silly Madonna.
With the writers' strike threatening awards shows left right and centre, there haven't really been that many chances for lots of very famous people to mill around each other while silently cursing because Demi Moore's ankles are fractionally thinner than their own – but luckily Madonna has saved the day.
And it's all thanks to the shitty time that everyone in Malawi is having. On Wednesday night Madonna was the host of a party at the United Nations designed to help her charity Raising Malawi and UNICEF, and the place was overflowing with big names all dressed up to the nines, even if we suspect that most of them think that Malawi is a character from The Lion King. E! Online reports:
"I want to put Raising Malawi on the map," Madonna told E! News on why she decided to host the fund-raising evening. "I want to help vulnerable children around the world and to get other people to do the same." The evening was a combination dinner and live auction to raise money for the charity, followed by a cocktail party complete with requisite A-list musical guests… "I think it's incredible. It's so inspiring, and it makes everything else not seem so important and that's why we're here," [Gwen] Stefani told E! News.
There's a pretty good chance that Gwen Stefani was talking about jotting down what Madonna was wearing and then ripping it off on the cover of her next album rather than the whole Malawi thing, but let's not worry about that.
The biggest draw of the night was Madonna's auction, where people paid $350,000 for a trip to a sports stadium and a football lesson from David Beckham. The best result of the evening, though, was the 'tour with Madonna and then have a dancing lesson with Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow' lot, where someone effectively paid $600,000 to watch Madonna annoy the Pope and only ever shit through a brand-new toilet seat.
All in all, Madonna's Malwai party raised $3.7 million, even if it drew criticism for all the blatant advertising for Gucci plastered everywhere. Although it's not known where all the money raised will go, it's thought that it'll be split 50/50 between inhumanely punishing the people in Malawi who didn't want her to adopt David Banda a couple of years ago and erecting a giant wall around the perimeter of the country to stop Angelina Jolie from swooping in and adopting all the babies.
Those babies are Madonna's! You hear that, Angelina? They belong to Madonna now!
Read more:
Madonna & Friends Raise Funds for Malawi – E! Online
