Madonna Gets Into Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame For Sure

Although the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame is really nothing more than a cruel procession of semi-forgotten acts looking back at a time when their hands didn't resemble gnarled vulture claws, it's still nice to be asked.

So Madonna must be feeling rather spiffy jazzed today, because the final line-up of bands to be inducted into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame next year has just been announced and she's on it, along with Leonard Cohen, The Dave Clark Five, John Mellencamp and The Ventures. Come next March, all of these acts will have to trudge down to Cleveland where they'll all be frozen in carbonite like Han Solo and stored away in the bowels of a vast warehouse forever alongside the likes of Little Richard and The Doors, never to make another note of music again.

That's what we want you to tell Madonna if she asks, anyway. OK?

For what basically amounts to a lovely night out that lets a bunch of pensioners talk about the old days and watch Velvet Revolver perform a badly-judged medley of their hits, the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame doesn't half have a convoluted entry process. 

Next year's Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame induction isn't until March 10, but organisers were already faffing about it back in October, when they announced the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame shortlist - a group of acts that released their first single over 25 years ago, making them eligible for Hall Of Fame entry, which serves as a fairly decent excuse for the voting panel to shake their head and tut about how hip-hop isn't real music.

We're guessing that's the case because the shortlist for next year's Hall Of fame entry included both The Beastie Boys and Afrika Bambaataa, and they've both been passed over. The final list of Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame inductees for next year has just been released, and it's not an incredible list by any stretch of the imagination.

Going into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame next year are The Ventures (a surf guitar band who managed to release 52 albums in the 1960s alone), John Mellencamp (a man so dull he had to name himself after a sexually-aggressive older woman in the 1980s), Madonna (a sexually-aggressive woman from the 1980s), Leonard Cohen (the most miserable man alive) and The Dave Clark Five (composers of the official Crystal Palace anthem, so probably the second, third, fourth, fifth and sixth most miserable men alive).

Sadly, since three of the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame inductees are solo acts, we might not get to see too much of the most traditional Hall Of Fame activity - the fractious inter-band sniping that tends to happen when bands who split up decades ago because they hated each other are forced to try and get along for one night, often with hilariously ill-willed results.

But it's thought that Madonna will try and make up for this by having a public brawl onstage with all of her old incarnations, like Cowgirl Madonna, Evita Madonna, Conical Bra Madonna and Completely Naked And Slightly Off-Putting Madonna. However, they don't stand a chance against the current Madonna. She's the only one with arms like a bouncer and giant scaly vulture claws, you see.

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Madonna, Mellencamp Lead 2008 Rock Hall Class - Billboard