Move over David Beckham! There’s a new kid in town, and he’s way more famous than you’ll ever be! He’s also smaller, more covered in blankets and probably way more confused and terrified than you too, but that’s beside the point.

Early this morning Madonna finally got her new partially-adopted child from Malawi – one-year-old David Banda – into Britain. And Madonna gave David Banda exactly the welcome that a superstar of his nature deserves, namely a flight on a private jet followed by a journey through an airport with his entire body covered by a blanket and Madonna nowhere to be seen. It’s hard to understand how this traumatic-seeming arrival to the UK will affect little David Banda, but we’re certainly looking forward to reading about it in the 2031 David Banda autobiography, provisionally entitled What The Fuck Were You Thinking, Madonna?