Madonna is a woman who knows her rights. And Madonna knows that it’s every woman’s right to be able to sing a sad song about AIDS while dressed up like DiscoJesus on a big mirrored cross.

And nobody can stop Madonna performing this fundamental duty – especially not German prosecutors. Before Madonna took her tour to Germany there were claims that she might be banged up for insulting all the German Christians with her crucifixion act, but the prosecutors have now decided that they won’t investigate Madonna’s stunt. And who can blame them – it’s a foolish organisation that messes with the gnarled hands and deplorably unsuitable leotards of Madonna.