Wembley Arena is famous for perhaps being the rubbishest music venue in all of Britain – like an aircraft hanger but with stroppy doormen and crap acoustics – but at least it's got a cast of Madonna's eagley hands outside it now.
For some reason or another, Wembley Arena has decided to unveil a 'Square Of Fame' – pretty much the same as a Walk of Fame, but with 400% more right angles – and Madonna has been chosen as the first celebrity to have a bronze imprint of her hands planted outside the arena. Of course, Madonna's hands aren't the most famous part of Madonna by any means, but it's thought that she refused to dip her raggedy chuff into melted bronze for any amount of money.
Madonna's life is never short of excitement, is it? Apart from making albums that sound ridiculous coming from someone who turns 48 in a couple of weeks, Madonna can pretty much do whatever she likes. Never sit on the same toilet seat as anyone else? Check. Crucify herself onstage and then claim that Jesus isn't all that angry with her? Check. Pass off an opportunistic publicity-seeking lesbian kiss to her daughter as a lot of mystic shit about 'energy'? Check.
And now Madonna can add 'have a cast of her hands outside Wembley Arena all the time' to that non-stop rollercoaster of a list. Yes, those hands. Those gnarled, clawlike hands that were somehow turned into plump youngster's hands for an H&M photoshoot. Those hands were plunged into a mould while Madonna was on tour in America, and were unveiled yesterday as the first part of the Wembley Arena Square Of Fame. It's hoped that more celebrities will soon be added to the Square Of Fame, like Kylie Minogue and George Michael – although George will probably sue anyone that tries to take a picture of him at the unveiling. Nick Shattock of Quintain Estates, which owns Wembley Arena, said:
"Madonna is officially the greatest female star in the world and we are delighted that she is the first of what will only be a few major names to be celebrated in the Square Of Fame."
Madonna unveiled her handprint during a break from rehearsals for her string of eight gigs at Wembley Arena and told waiting journalists that being the first celebrity to have their handprints placed outside the building made her "feel like an honourary Brit," even though she's been frantically trying to be one of those for the last decade by marrying a fat-mouthed mockney film director, falling off a horse on a country estate and speaking with an English accent so monumentally outlandish that she makes Dick Van Dyke sound like Nigella Lawson.
[story by Stuart Heritage]