Madonna is returning David Banda. Even though she only adopted him like a week ago, since then she's decided she'd really prefer the newer blue-ray version of an African child as it has better definition, and would impress her girlfriends a lot more.
Well that's what we expect anyway. Madonna did bring the boy back to Malawi, but the rumour mill didn't say she was returning her newest kid until we did in the preceding paragraph. What everyone else is saying is that Malawi Madge is; a) There for a quick visit, b) there because her personal pilot got lost in a super-thick fog, or c) There to wring even more babies out of Yohane Banda's tender nutters. Take your pick.
Madonna, a woman best known for having haggard hands and a posh bum, has returned to Malawi with her children. The trip's purpose seems to be to allow her youngest child, David, some family time with his genetic, biological, semen-rich actual-birth father, who once conveniently spit him towards a girl-egg.
Rumours have exploded all over the internet that pop's oldest sensation is there to find another new family member. We here at hecklerspray have heard she's put in orders for two boys and a girl, all of which should be ready exactly nine months after the next shipment of scented candles and bubble bath arrives on camel back. We're currently tracking down the invoices for some solid verification.
Of course that paperwork may be impossible to find. In the meanwhile, the government of Malawi has a wicked-lovely message for Madonna:
"The government of Malawi salutes Madonna for coming back with the child for the father to see him."
There was a bit of an uproar when Mrs. Ritchie first legally nabbed her new son. David's birth father Yohane was complaining he had no access to his boy, and kept stressing how he eats very little and could maybe wash clothes for his keep or something. Despite his pleas, Madonna never adopted him too.
But we did. And so it is with great pleasure we introduce you all to our new son – Yohane Banda-hecklerspray, who has a few words he'd like to share with you on this joyous occasion:
Yohane Banda-hecklerspray, ladies and gentlemen.