What’s this? News that isn’t about the Oscars? Goodness. It’s news about former-famous, former child star Macaulay Culkin? Goodness. News that Macaulay Culkin can’t find any acting work? It that actually news?

Quiet, you. Yes it’s news. Poor old Macaulay Culkin has never been able to recapture his face-slapping, Joe Pesci-maiming megastardom from 16 years ago. And poor old Macaulay is a wee bit annoyed about the whole shebang, so he’s done exactly what we’d do in the same situation – Macaulay has done a bleaty interview with Time magazine all about it.

Back in the early nineties, Macaulay Culkin (DVDs) had the world at his
tiny precocious feet. After an uncredited role in Jacob’s Ladder won
him the hearts of the world, Macaulay went on to physically abuse a
couple of middle-aged men in the Home Alone films, die horribly of a
bee sting in My Girl and then… nothing.

Sure, Macaulay Culkin was on an episode of Will & Grace, but
that’s not really saying much – he was literally the last person in the
universe to guest star on the show. And there were a couple of
low-budget flicks a few years ago – like Party Monster and Saved – but
aside from that, Culkin has been most famous for sticking up for
Michael Jackson in court last year. And, dammit, Macaulay Culkin wants
you all to know how shit that is. In an interview with Time magazine,
Macaulay admits:

“I’m the most out-of-work actor I know… In the last two years I’ve basically taken meetings for a
living.”

Well,
taking meetings and writing his new, semi-autobiographical novel Junior
- which the Time interview is really about. Junior is a
stream-of-consciousness collection of journal entries, including -
according to People magazine:

…one letter to "Father" [where] he writes: "You taught me how I never want to be
with my children . … You taught me about anger and rage." In
another, his character simply repeats an obscene word over and over and
over in a letter to his father.

Obviously, Macaulay has gone crazy. Or has he? He also tells Time magazine that:

"I’ve led a very isolated existence since I was 6 years old. It’s kind
of been me and my mind. I hope people don’t think I’m crazy,
because I’m not."

So that’s Macaulay’s failing movie
career dealt with, and his mental new book. There was something else…
what was it? Oh yes, his friendship with Michael Jackson. Has Michael
tried to repay Macaulay Culkin for almost single-handedly saving him
from prison by, say, inviting him to Bahrain for a glass or two of
Jesus Juice and some nude pinball? Sadly not – in fact, Macaulay and
Michael have only spoken once since Jackson was found innocent:

"He’s a friend, but the kind of friend you talk to twice a year."

Read more:

Jobless Culkin is sulkin’ – New York Daily News

[story by Stuart Heritage]