M. Night Shyamalan Quits
Okay, okay, so that headline was a dirty trick – a sneaky little attention-grabber to draw you in. hecklerspray just thought that it was such a beautiful image, maybe the world would be a better place if it was briefly thrown out there …
What has actually happened is that over-rated bilgemeister M. Night Shyamalan – he who directed cinematic non-events such as Unbreakable, The Village and the truly abysmal Signs - has quit his movie-making deal with Disney after the intervention of that time-honoured standby clause: ‘creative differences’.
Begging your pardon, Night (may we call you Night?), but if you’re going to have ‘creative differences’ then don’t you have to be … well, creative in the first place? Isn’t ‘creativity’ defined as something other than ‘building a stupid story upon which to hang a similarly stupid twist’?
Maybe we’re being too judgemental here. Maybe Disney overstepped the mark. Maybe Night stormed out of some meeting, blazing with righteous disgust at the restrictive demands the executives were putting on him …
‘Well, Night … me and the guys have been thinking. And we’ve decided that we’d like your next film to have a plot. Oh, and characters too. Oh, yeah, and maybe some dialogue that doesn’t sound like it was scrawled out over the course of five minutes by a borderline-illiterate seven-year-old.’
The cultural ascension of Shyamalan – a competent hack at his very best - is something that continues to baffle hecklerspray on every level. No doubt his new deal with Warner Brothers will enable him to continue releasing his unique brand of drivel utterly unchallenged.
His next project, for what it’s worth, is entitled Lady In The Water. hecklerspray has given this some serious thought, and has come up with three ways in which Shyamalan could mould his undoubtedly predictable snooze-plot into a killer of a story.
Firstly, the action must take place about thirty-five years ago. Secondly, the lady in the water is helplessly, helplessly in the throes of drowning. Thirdly, the lady in question is Shyamalan’s heavily- mother.
Now there’s a twist for you …
