Ludacris – as evidenced by his songs Move Bitch, Pimpin’ All Over The World and that one about having hoes in different area codes – is a philanthropist.

No, really, he is. You can see how much Ludacris loves humanity by looking at the films that he’s made. Max Payne, Gamer, Crash, Hustle & Flow – each and every one of them a shiny rainbow of responsible positivity. And because shooting people in films and singing about horrible sex with Thai prostitutes has made Ludacris the man he is, he’s decided to give something back to the people.

No, not chlamydia, silly. Cars.

This recession has gripped the world – particularly America – harder than anyone could have thought. Why, some Americans don’t even have cars. It’s awful, isn’t it? They actually have to walk to places by themselves. It’s tragic because, after all, it’s every American’s natural born right to eat themselves into an early, super-morbidly obese, type-2 diabetic, cholesterol-clogged grave without having to worry about any kind of self-powered plantigrade ambulation burning off those hard-earnt calories.

And that’s why Ludacris deserves to be hailed as a hero. Because on Sunday Ludacris gave away 20 brand new cars to residents of Atlanta, Georgia out of nothing but the kindness of his own heart and possibly the fact that he had a new film out.

The aim was simple – Ludacris would award a car to the 20 residents who visited his nonprofit foundation’s website and wrote a 300-word essay about why they needed a car, provided they could afford to tax and insure it. It was a genius move – at once Ludacris managed to give something back to his fans, provide a touching moment of hope to those most blighted by the recession and inadvertently cause a tidal wave of uncomfortable sob stories so colossal that it’d make Simon Cowell start self-harming with envy.

CNN reports on one winner, jobless Michael Richards (no, not that one):

Rivers described riding the city bus with his 14-year-old daughter to make sure she arrived safely at school and how he recently celebrated the small victory of getting his 17-year-old autistic son, who can’t tolerate crowds, to stand calmly for a few moments outside the bus stop. He doesn’t live near a grocery store so he has to bring home the food he can carry on the bus.

Oh, we’re being unkind, we know. Even if his motives were suspect – which they actually don’t appear to be – Ludacris has done a selfless thing here. In fact, by giving away free cars to those who needed them most, Ludacris has reached an almost Oprah-esque level of philanthropy. And maybe that was his plan – he wants his own Oprah-style show.

Actually, we’d watch Ludacris presenting a daytime talkshow. It’d be awesome. Especially if he did a special episode about how to move bitches out of the way. He could talk about his own experiences of moving bitches out of the way, then interview a tragic youngster who was unable to move bitches out of the way until the National Move Bitch (Get Out The Way) Foundation gave him a scholarship to learn how to move bitches out of the way, then Dr Phil could turn up and demonstrate exactly how to move a bitch if she happens to be in your way.

And the world would be a better place.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter