Love Island Betting Odds: Starts Tonight, God Help Us

Oh Christ, it's that time of year again. Now that the World Cup is over, ITV can get on and start to show Love Island. You know, last year it was called Celebrity Love Island but this year - in a show of alarming honesty - it's just Love Island.

If you didn't see it last year, the concept of Love Island is this; a bunch of partially-known people go and stay on a desert island and do nothing but get slowly goaded into shagging each other for money. It's a bit like the final scene of Requiem For A Dream, really, but about 50 times more upsetting. 

Anyway, we're going to doing the whole Love Island betting odds thing for the duration of the show, and that starts today with the early Love Island betting odds for the winning lady, with betting odds from PaddyPower.com, although - since none of these people are the slightest bit famous - it's more of an explanation about who these people actually are…

Alicia Douvall - Who the hell is Alicia Douvall? Apparently she's some kind of topless model, although we're fairly sure that she only gets her boobs out to draw attention away from her face, which looks like a cheaply-made plastic cat that's been in a house fire. Despite being so weird-looking that we burst into tears for a full 25 minutes after looking at a picture of her, Alicia has apparently had it off with Dennis Rodman, Shaggy, Simon Cowell and Mick Hucknall. It's clear that Alicia Douvall has been put on Love Island because she's a gigantic slag who likes to boff wankers. Outsider to win. Current Love Island betting odds - 8/1

Colleen Shannon - Who the hell is Colleen Shannon? We've looked this up, and not only was Colleen Shannon in Playboy once, she also calls herself 'The World's Sexiest DJ,' although, in a profession staffed by Chris Moyles and Simon Mayo, you could put a pair of headphones on a test tube full of herpes cultures and that would become the world's sexiest DJ. Seriously, Colleen Shannon is the definition of being unfamous. Current Love Island betting odds - 13/2

Sophie Anderton - Who the hell is Sophie Anderton? In a case of ITV eating itself, Sophie Anderton is most well-known for being a bit of a whining minge on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. Now she's on Love Island - a kind of I'm Not A Celebrity Any More Let Me Back On The Telly - so that she can complain about being a drug addict in a bikini in Fiji. Current Love Island betting odds - 11/2

Lady Victoria Hervey - Who the hell is Lady Victoria Hervey? You'll remember that last year's Celebrity Love Island featured Lady Isabella Hervey, a woman so hopelessly stupid that she should be employed as a walking government advertisement about the dangers of inbreeding. Well, this is her big sister, and she's no better. Lady Victoria Hervey has been romantically linked to David Coulthard, possibly because he's the only human being in the world with a squarer face than her. Current Love Island betting odds - 3/1

Kelle Bryan - Who the hell is Kelle Bryan? She was one of Eternal. You remember Eternal, they were a half-famous girlband until The Spice Girls came along and scuttled them for good. Louise Redknapp was one of them. We can't remember any of their songs. Anyway, Kelle was the pretty one. We think - that was more than ten years ago when we were all hormone. We're more in control of our functions now, and Kelle might have aged horribly. Current Love Island betting odds - 11/4

Bianca Gascoigne - Who the hell is Bianca Gascoigne? She's the stepdaughter of England football turned wifebeating incoherent alcoholic wreck Paul Gascoigne. Bianca has seemed to forge a career out of going on the telly and talking about how emotionally distressed she became after listening to Gazza beat her Mum up. Hmmm, emotionally unstable? A lack of a nurturing father-figure for the bulk of her life? We'd say Bianca Gascoigne's going to be shag-central. She's also the favourite to win Love Island, inexplicably. Current Love Island betting odds - 5/2

Tomorrow - more Love Island betting odds! But until then, don't forget to check out the latest Love Island betting odds, from any number of these brilliant betting websites. Good luck!

Hecklerspray recommends: 

Free £10 bet at PaddyPower

Free £25 bet at SportingOdds.com

Free bets or £100 cashback at SportingIndex

[story by Stuart Heritage]