So you're the production of team of Love Island, and everything's going wrong for you. Nobody is watching the show, and your carefully-crafted eviction process has gone tits-up after most of the contestants refused to vote. What's left?
Easy, you simpleton! Remember that in your Love Island arsenal you have one of the most universally loathed men of 2005. That's right – Paul Danan is back on Love Island and, since most of the contestants saw last year's show, they're fully aware of what a horrid, lying, drunken mess he is. That's television gold, right? Possibly, but why stop there when you could also invite a man primarily famous for stapling his scrotum to his thigh night after night for money onto the show? And that's why Steve O from Jackass has also been drafted into Love Island. What hilarious japes could possibly ensue? We don't know. Really, we don't know.
But which of these men will end up winning Love Island? Here's the Love Island betting odds for the top man, with betting odds from PaddyPower.com…
Chris Brosnan – There was us thinking that Chris Brosnan was a lot more charming that the drug-ravaged egotist that we'd imagined him to be. But what do we know – on Friday Chris was one of the three shortlisted Love Island contestants shortlisted for elimination. It's hard to know how Chris Brosnan can regain his Love Island popularity. Oh, hang on, we've got an idea – maybe he should stop talking like an LA movie twat all the time. Just an idea, like. Current Love Island betting odds – 20/1
Leo Ihenacho - It's hard to know what's worse, the fact that Love Island producers seem to have decided, in a fit of barely-disguised contempt, that 'Ihenacho' was a bit too difficult for slack-jawed Love Island viewers to understand and are now calling him Leo The Lion, or the fact that – despite snogging Bianca Gascoigne – Leo Ihenacho has somehow managed to be even more shit than the last album by The Streets. Either way, these Love Island betting odds are saying that Leo won't be winning Love Island. Current Love Island betting odds – 14/1
Paul Danan – Paul Danan was absolutely the hit of last year's Love Island, what with desperately trying it on with every single female on the island while getting violently drunk and calling the other men his "little bitch." And he's back this year, having seen the error of his ways and enjoying a stint in rehab. But flashes of the old Danan keep popping up, by the way he's already responded to some criticism of him by slurring "merrah blurgh florgh merrrr" and the way he's already got his "I used to chronically masturbate over a poster of you" Sophie Anderton anecdote out of the way. Current Love Island betting odds – 12/1
Brendan Cole – Everyone has their reasons for disliking Brendan Cole, be it his obscenely unjustified arrogance or the way that he sort of jiggles about for a living, but we'll give him his due – unlike the rest of the Love Island contestants, he seemed to enjoy eliminating Alicia on Friday. OK, that's his due given, now let's bundle Brendan off our screens as fast as we can so that we don't have to watch his pube-haired smarminess any longer than we have to. Current Love Island betting odds – 9/1
Steve O - Steve O has done some insane things in his time – like the scrotum stapling and getting his buttocks pierced closed – but those stunts are nothing compared to having to spend a few weeks on a resort with Sophie Anderton in relentless catty mode. So far Steve O has been completely playing up to his reputation – being all "Dude! I'm gonna totally nail all those chicks!" – but we'll see what happens after he's been in there a little while. Current Love Island betting odds – 6/1
Lee Otway – By far the most disgusting thing that we've heard – probably in our entire lives – is that little Lee Otway says he'd be happy to have sex with another Love Island contestant onscreen. We can't even begin to tell you why that upsets us so much, but it's mainly to do with the fact that we once wrote a oath to ourselves promising that we'd never watch a scrawny, underdeveloped, pre-pubescent child have sex on television. And also, if Lee writing and singing a song about how much he loves everyone else didn't make you want to shit your own pants with embarrassment, you're probably a lost cause. Current Love Island betting odds – 2/1
Shayne Lynch – It's a funny old world where the potential winner of Love Island is the shit one from Boyzone, isn't it. And, what's more, Shayne is also the only Love Island contestant who seems to have absolutely no interest whatsoever in getting his end away. But that's what's happening at the moment. Still, there's plenty of time left for Shayne to succumb to his sexual urges and leap on the shit one from Eternal in her sleep. Current Love Island betting odds – evens
Tomorrow – more Love Island betting odds! But until then, don't forget to check out the latest Love Island betting odds, from any number of these brilliant betting websites. Good luck!
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[story by Stuart Heritage]
