Ever gone to the supermarket and bought a big bag of Doritos, ripping them open and gorging your face with fistfuls of cheesy-corn goodness? And then realised – about two-thirds of the way through – that you're actually feeling a)bored, b) sick and c) more than a little cheated? In the future this will be called Lost Syndrome.

After a whole series of expectation-raising – you know, the same way that millions of kids are being conned into getting a university education because they actually believe a degree in Cross-Racial Media Representation will help them get ahead somehow – Lost has now entered a wholly redundant second series in which we are supposed to be utterly enthralled whenever anyone raises the possibility of NOT PRESSING A PISSING BUTTON.

Oh – and if those '118' runners continue to pull their funny smug faces before the every-six-seconds commercial breaks, thereby negating any vestige of 'drama' left within the programme whatsoever, hecklerspray officially takes no responsibility if the two moustachioed gentleman are found bludgeoned to death with a pair of cheap market-stall Nikes. Not that the world agrees, however. For – like STDs and Islamist Fundamentalism – the popularity of Lost is forever on the increase. So much so that they're thinking of making a goshdarn movie about it.

Apparently Lost co-creator Damon Lindelof is worried that executives will 'drag out the show.'

Dragging out Lost? Is that even possible… we mean, without ceasing the universally-determined flow of time itself? Christ – that wouldn't just be flogging a dead horse. That'd be strapping the corpse to the back of your Vauxhall Astra and giving it one more run around Ascot. Lindelof waffles:

"We'd love to end the show after four years… five years tops… and then do a movie."

Oh yeah? They said the same thing about The X-Files, pal. And – having caught a few of the later episodes – hecklerspray can honestly confirm that it hadn't seen such convoluted arsebrained nonsense since that tramp tried to read Lord Of The Rings to us.You want to extend a series? Bring back this. Lost is bollocks – plain and simple – and will be forever and ever amen.

We'll still be tuning in, mind.

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Lost to be turned into a movie? – Yahoo

[story by C J Davies]