It’s the return of the Jack this week as we jump into his alternative Lostiverse life and the poor bugger has only got more daddy issues (at least he’s the crap father this time, though).

Yes, the big reveal in this episode is that Jack finally managed to stay attracted to a woman long enough to deliver his seed. Young David Shephard was your typical stroppy teenager; all angst and piano lessons, with a mother of whose identity is the big secret (our money is on Juliet). Elsewhere alt-Jack noticed he had an appendix scar – a clear flash of his island operation from season four. Also, Dogen (the Samurai Other) turned up to tell Jack how great his son is, the suck-up.

Island action was a bit more eventful this week, with Jack and Hurley making a little trek around to look for the titular lighthouse of the title on one side of the Island, and Claire going bananas on the other.

Jacob reappears as possibly the most charismatic paranormal entity this side of Casper and offers Hurley a bit of advice, while – to satisfy his sick perversion for making fat people sweat – sending him on a hike. Hurley then enlists Jack to take a trip coast-side to the lighthouse via several pit-stops at the museum of seasons one through five. The burning mystery of where Shannon’s inhaler went back in season one was finally resolved – it was on the floor – and we also get a peak back at those decomposing bodies lying in the cave from right back at the beginning of the show.

Claire meanwhile decided to turn into Jack Bauer, torturing an Other in front of Jin while retaining the memorable character trait of moaning about her baby every other minute (clearly her goat skull in a pram isn’t a substitute for her missing bambino). Inbetween her random bouts of axe-swinging she was going on about a mysterious friend who was revealed, with a cheeky grin, to be Cocke.

It might be something in the air, but Claire would be quite frightening if we didn’t find her new crazy-eyed dementia and crusty hair unbearably attractive. We do love a woman who can disinfect a bear-trap wound.

When Jack and Hurley reached the lighthouse they found a nifty set of mirrors that could be moved around to certain degrees, which all had names attached to them. Jack, Sawyer, Sayid – and even Kate this time – were on there among others, begging the question that perhaps the cave with all the scratchings on the walls last week was actually Cocke’s. The mirrors in the lighthouse proved to be intriguing, when turned to Jack’s name it revealed his childhood home, swiftly revealing that Jacob has one of the most sophisticated pervert devices in the world.

We didn’t dwell too long here, because it was time for the Jack-Attack. After looking into the mirror, Jack remembered what a self-destructive bellend he is and decided to smash the place up before we get answers. Classic Jack.

All we were left with was the intriguing clue that the person who may be coming to the island at 108 degrees is named Wallace. We hope it’s William Wallace so that Mel Gibson can turn up and give Sawyer a run for his money on the nickname game; after all, it’s about time someone called Kate ‘Sugartits’ and muttered ‘asshole’ under their breathe at Ben whenever they got the chance. Classic Mel.

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