While last week’s mythological mouthful left us more enlightened on Lost, it also chugged along at the pace of a two hundred year-old slave vessel.

Black smoke monster, enslaved Spaniards, the questionable science of a wooden ship destroying a giant stone statue; it’s all poppycock we say. What we want is people running into trees.

So Sun went George of the Jungle (watch out for that tree!) this week, having also run into Cocke (we understand this nickname hasn’t caught on, but we’re sticking by our guns) she – like many of us – was getting a bit bored of all this candidate malarkey. It’s about time she found her husband (it’s only been about, like, forever since they saw each other).

Well, while we weren’t given a satisfying sickening moment of slo-mo copulation between Sun and Jin on the beach, it was up to the flash-sideways to get the characters back together. Jin and Sun were not the bickering twosome we knew before; instead, Sun was less interested in learning English than she was being concerned in uncovering Jin’s package – the dirty mare!

Yet again another mirror moment of note, as Sun seemed to remember something. Or it could be because all of the Lost characters are really, really, really good-looking. The rest of the alt-verse was concerned in bringing back old characters; The One-Eyed Russian returned – surprisingly with two eyes – as did Omar and Keamy (the evil freighter folk – boo!). Jin then learnt that too much exposure to Sun is bad for you, after her old man realised Jin had been dipping his noodle in the wrong wok, and paid Keamy to shoot the poor bugger.

Back on the Island, Cocke had a chat with Jim Robinson, talking about war arriving. That’s probably expected, given that Jack hasn’t blown something up in a couple of episodes – he’s probably starting to shake. He’ll be spoilt for choice, though, as Richard wants to blow up the plane.

So much was going on within the episode we started to feel lost ourselves. In what is sure to be a role reversal, Sun lost the ability to speak English (leaving Jin to translate for her when they reunite), Jin himself popped up in old Room 23 with the thumping bass – innit – and Sayid couldn’t feel anything but a complete dead-end of a character.

We could have predicted that the reveal of Widmore’s ‘package’ would be the button-mashing Scotsman Desmond returning to the Island. What’s left to find out is what significance he’ll have to the rest of the proceedings. He’ll probably just get drunk, jump in a car, get done for a DUI and then murdered. That crazy Brutha.

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