Celebrities are rebels, we don’t need to tell you that. You’ve seen them, with their breast augmentations and their drugs parties – sticking two fingers up at convention.
We’re used to their madness. Or, at least, we were used to their madness. This summer has unleashed a whole new crop of famous rebels, collectively known as ‘the women who refuse to get ugly’.
Most of them have burst into their 40s or thereabouts daring to still be completely sexually attractive. Unheard of in years gone by. But there they are, with their “bikini bodies” – which, by the way, are much more palatable and less revolting than your standard “evening gown bodies” – refusing to go away quietly and slowly lose their looks, before surfacing as a freedom fighter, in the manner of hideous old women like Joanna Lumley and Bridget Bardot.
Here are the four most appalling offenders…
1. Cindy Crawford
Cindy Crawford was gorgeous in the 1980s, despite her terrifying facial disfigurement, which took the shape of a very pronounced mole on her top lip. Normally people would cover their eyes in disgust at such a freak show, but her astonishing good looks allowed bitter prejudice to be put aside, as she joined the elite group of supermodels, who could walk up and down in wonderful dresses like they owned the things. Now fifty or something, she still looks magnificently good, and has totally ignored convention by continuing to wear skimpy bikinis on holiday.
2. Sadie Frost
Yeah, you know Sadie Frost. She’s the woman who bore numerous will-be Peaches Geldofs with Jude Law and the one from Spandau Ballet. And if the rumours are true, she’s survived the years on a strict diet of salad, hard drinking and narcotics. At one stage she was at the centre of the fashion trend of having gloopy globules of white in the corner of each nostril on a night out. And now she’s been spotted wandering the soft white beaches of sunny Ibiza in sunbathing clobber, and she looks really sexy. But she’s 44! Forty-bloody-four! She should be withered and crow-like.
3. Jennifer Lopez
When Lopez strode onto the scene in the late 1990s, it was her mighty great arse that really made her stand out from the pack. It defied logic, this taut fleshy boulder proudly protruding from her toned skinny body. But the sisterhood didn’t panic. They cackled and muttered something about how it might look good now, but give it a few years and that thing will be like two carrier bags of cold stew hanging from a vagrant’s waist. But there it is, 40 years old, and still as solid as Barry McGuigan‘s punchball.
4. Elle McPherson
Australians normally have faces like an old leather handbag by the time they hit 30, and yet Elle has still got a wonderful smile and smooth skin. Of course, she was known as The Body in the 1980s – an original nickname, coined because she had a nice body – but people suspected that come a certain age, and The Body might be better known as The Revolting Body. Not so. Now veering dangerously close to her 50s, she can still rock a bikini like a woman nearly half her age.? This, predictably, has made grown men hate their stupid ugly wives.
More like this? You’d better go and see Josh’s website Interestment then, hadn’t you?