Look! Here Are 50 Things That Maxim Thinks Are Lame
Lots of things spring to mind when you think of the word 'lame'. Badminton. Questionnaires about compatibility in girly magazines. Badminton. Five US. Badminton. The recorded output of Crowded House. Badminton.
Until now there has never really been a list of all the lame things in the world, but Maxim magazine has put an end to that with Maxim's 50 Lamest Things Of All Time. It's like one of those awful Best-Dressed lists you see in magazines, only about things that suck beyond all comprehension. From Neck Pillows to Dreamcatchers, from Fauxhawks to Jim Belushi, Maxim's 50 Lamest Things Of All Time covers them all. We're not going to go through the entirety of Maxim's 50 Lamest Things Of All Time, but there's a link at the bottom of this article you can click on. First, though, you must suffer through an interview – and cack-handed job-scoring attempt – between hecklerspray and Maxim.com Senior Editor Cory Jones.
What is the lamest thing in the world of all time? A quick survey in our office reveals it to be 'badminton'. Were we even warm?
Badminton was actually 51 on our list. So you were close. But we rated "mandals" as the lamest thing of all time. It's the Speedo of footwear. No one needs to see another man's feet. And the kicker: wearing them with socks is somehow worse.
What criteria did you use to judge one entry's lameness against another. For instance, why are 'white collar bikers' less lame than 'tail on the puck'?
The main criteria we used was basically just a gut reaction. But some of them worked out mathematically. Adults on scooters are equal parts lame and equal parts pathetic. But when Fox added a cheesy electronic tail to the puck, that was 100% lame. If you're too blind or stupid to follow a hockey puck around your TV screen, you shouldn't be watching sports at all.
Number 39 on your list is 'comedy sketches on hip-hop albums' – a worthy addition. What's the lamest hip-hop skit of all time?
Biggie's skit on Ready To Die where he's having sex is by far the lamest. Not only does it go on forever, but who wants to hear a big fat guy get laid for three minutes? (Put your hand down Dom Deluise.)
Why hasn't hecklerspray been in Maxim yet? The very fact that we haven't came second in our small office lameness survey, you know.
You will be in our next issue, I promise.*
*This is not a promise.
I think you’re lame.