Live Birth Promised On Big Brother

Stay calm, U.K viewers. This is the Dutch version of Big Brother we’re talking about. We’re just going to have to settle for simpleton nightclub dancers and drunken Burberry-rats shoving champagne bottles up their mimsies.

Newly launched TV station Talpa is the force behind this viewer-grabbing plan - shoving a contestant into the confines of the camera-stashed house a mere six weeks before sprog-dropping is set to commence.

Rather unsurprisingly, the plan has been attracting criticism from far and wide. The Christian Democratic Party has raised a big moral eyebrow over the whole thing. Numerous newspapers have been calling for the show to be cancelled. And a quick poll of the hecklerspray office revealed the scheme to be widely considered "the sad, attention-grabbing antics of a deluded, clueless twat."

The case for the defence has been swift in raising the barricades, however. Show director Hummie Van Der Tonnekreek - seriously, that’s his name - has claimed that both unlucky baby and lunatic mother will "get maximum care and attention" during their stay upon the nation’s television screens.

Head of production Paul Roemer also threw in his two cents. "I think it will be good T.V," he said. "I am doing something that will bring about emotions and which is innocent and can do no harm." Well, yes. Exactly. A well-balanced argument that could, however, be offset by one glaring fact - that a woman is giving birth on a freaking gameshow.

This isn’t the first time that Talpa has courted controversy. They’re kind of like the Channel 4 of Holland - except with less Jimmy Carr and better-scheduled episodes of Lost. High-concept shows so far include a series in which "five prostitutes set up a business" and "two people who have never met before become engaged."

Pretty much your average ITV sitcom, then.

Read More:

Big Brother Baby Plan Scrutinised - BBC News

[story by C J Davies]