Circus by Britney Spears is easily one of the top five most-anticipated squelchpop albums released by a psychiatric patient this year.

But so far there’s been so much kerfuffle about everything surrounding Circus – like the documentaries, the artwork, the tracklisting, the likelihood of Britney Spears going berserk and smearing her genitals up and down a shop window a day after its release – that nobody really knows what Circus by Britney Spears actually sounds like.

Well, we do. And it seems like the classic Britney Spears sound is back – you know, sort of generic and forgettable and not very good. How do we know this? Because all of Circus by Britney Spears is available on the internet. Where on the internet? Why, right after the jump if you close your eyes and believe enough.

Since it’s her great big comeback album – the album where she’s controversially not going to shave all her hair off and run through the streets babbling unintelligible threats in a sub-Madonna British accent while promoting it – Britney Spears has piqued all sorts of interest with her new album Circus.

For instance, Circus is being released on Britney Spears’ birthday? Why is that? Does it signal her rebirth as a recording artist? And why is it called Circus anyway? Is it a reflection of the media attention that Britney Spears has received? Is it because Britney Spears has been made to feel like a performing bear? Is it because Britney Spears can only be kept in one place if there’s a man with a chair and a whip near her at all times? Is it because, instead of rational thought, the only noise going through Britney Spears’ head at any given time is a warped nightmarish version of Entrance Of The Gladiators by Julius Fučík?

To be honest we were hoping that some of these questions would be answered by next week’s Britney: For The Record documentary that’s being released to help promote Circus but, since most previews have described the documentary as basically an hour of anguished squealing, that’s not going to happen.

Instead we’ll just have to wait for Britney Spears to release Circus and then pick through it for clues about Britney’s mental state. Or, alternatively, since Britney Spears has decided to stream Circus through imeem for free a week before it comes out, we’ll just do that instead. And you can, too. Here, have a listen…

So it turns out that Circus by Britney Spears sounds like that one ‘N Sync album from seven years ago, then. That’s not necessarily a bad thing – at least seven years ago Britney hadn’t been sent doolally by childbirth, Kevin Federline and multiple appearances on How I Met Your Mother.

If you’re like us, you’re probably finding it quite hard to pick a favourite song on Circus. Not because the songs are all so good – or so bad, for that matter – but because this seems to be Britney’s ‘babble like a mental alien’ album. So, rather than pick a favourite song, we’ve decided to list our top three nonsensical Britney Spears yelps from Circus instead:

3 - Haha hihi haha ho” – If U Seek Amy

2 - “Glayeeass glayeeass glayeeass glayeeass” – Shattered glass

1 - “Oompapa oompapa oompapi oompapi ooh papi ooh papi ooh lammy ooh lappy ooh papi uh ow” – Mmm Papi

You’re welcome.

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