Question: how long does it take Axl Rose to write a song that sounds like the theme-tune to Biker Mice From Mars?
Answer: however long it’s taken Guns N’ Roses to record Chinese Democracy. Today is the day that many never thought they’d see in their lifetime – the day that the first single from Chinese Democracy by Guns N’ Roses got officially played on the radio.
There’s a link to the song – also entitled Chinese Democracy – after the jump, but if you can’t be bothered, just imagine the background music from a 1980s regional ITV show about speedboats, but with a painfully long muttered intro that lasts for about an hour and doesn’t really go anywhere performed by a Stars In Their Eyes Axl Rose impersonator. Dr Pepper for everyone!
Chinese Democracy by Guns N’ Roses was always going to be Axl Rose’s masterpiece. For close to 15 years now, he’s hunkered down in his studio, tweaking and primping his opus. Guest stars like Brian May, Shaquille O’Neal and the last 18 line-ups of Guns N’ Roses have been hired and fired. Even before a note of it was heard by anyone, it was clear enough that Chinese Democracy was going to be the most long-awaited overblown directionless muddle ever recorded.
And now it’s time to see exactly how much of a let-down Chinese Democracy by Guns N’ Roses is going to be. After countless decade-long set-backs, Chinese Democracy is being released next month and, as is traditional, it is being preceded by a single, which is also called Chinese Democracy.
People, that single got its first radio play today. Reuters reports:
The title track from the upcoming Guns N’ Roses’ album “Chinese Democracy” will be available to download by U.S. radio outlets on Wednesday. Although some album tracks leaked this summer, this is the first authorized new music from the rock band in nine years.
Since Chinese Democracy has been sweated over for so long, it’s bound to throw the entire music industry spinning off into a thrilling brand new direction or – failing that – the 37-year-old men who liked Appetite For Destruction when they were 16 will buy it, listen to it once, maybe download two songs from it onto their iPod and never listen to it again.
Which will it be? Well, why don’t you listen to Chinese Democracy by Guns N’ Roses now and find out.
What do we think of Chinese Democracy? Funny you should ask. Well, aside from the fact that a full minute of the song is wasted between the guffy scene-setting intro and the widdly-woo explosion ending, and the fact that we’re almost certain that Axl Rose is singing “All I’ve got is Princess Di” in the chorus – which is factually incorrect because all he’s actually got is a set of rubbishy ginger dreadlocks and a bit of a tummy – we’re confident in saying that Chinese Democracy is certainly one of the best songs of the year.
It’s just a shame that the year in question is 1991.
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow, and I thought trolls were only allowed to post on message boards. Did you do any actual research into the new band before trashing them? You keep spitting up old rumors and information but you don’t really seem to have a clue what you’re talking about otherwise. And when was the last time you actually saw Rose? Cuz on the 2006 tour he was back to his trim fightin’ weight and never sounded better.
I’ll admit this ain’t the strongest track on the album, but it was probably a smart move to release it first since elitist douche bags like you could trash it (because let’s face it, you made up your mind to do nothing but take cheap shots before you even heard the song). I expect you’ll be eating some serious crow when you hear other tracks like Better and Prostitute.
Or maybe not. Either way, you should at least get your facts straight before tarnishing the clandestine reputation of the Internet.
hahahah it sounds like they recorded a Kerry Katona interview and used it for the intro
Hmmmm.
Not very good, is it?
I agree about the princess di thing. So does Mrs Shooty*.
I fondly recall the excitement of hearing You Could Be Mine for the first time. We waited AGES for that song, too, and when it was released it was GOOD.
*sigh*. I pity the youth of today. They’re forced to consider The Kooks as Rock.
Princess Di? Are you retarded? Try precious time fuckheads…
If ‘Precious’ is your sister’s name, I already tried her.
Stabby McGee, more like “Snappy McGee!”
Ummm.. might I suggest you listen to your music with something better than a $10 pair of speakers if you seriously thought he was saying “All I’ve got is Princess Diâ€.. he is CLEARLY saying “All I’ve got is PRECIOUS TIME”.. and he says it many times in the song. BTW.. this song doesn’t sound like it’s from 1991, it has a sound similar to Sixx A.M… Seether, and some of the other Modern Hard Rock acts out today. I’ll admit I’m not crazy about the overly long intro, and it’s not “Welcome To The Jungle”, but it’s not as dated or lame as you make it sound either. Give an honest objective opinion next time, otherwise just keep your bias to yourself. Thanks.
Why do so many morons hold up objectivity as a virtue? It’s music, you fucking retard; sense experience is INHERENTLY subjective, and art interpretation is doubly so.
“this song doesn’t sound like it’s from 1991, it has a sound similar to Sixx A.M… ”
Damn, man, that’s pretty fuckin’ harsh.
Ah, but is it art?
Actually, they have managed an astounding feat: they have made art that is completely artless.
“this song doesn’t sound like it’s from 1991, it has a sound similar to Sixx A.M… â€
Damn, man, that’s pretty fuckin’ harsh.”
LOL.. I gotta admit, that made me laugh out loud!
I’m only “holding up objectivity as a virtue” to the “Music Critic” who is by definition SUPPOSED to objectivly listen to music and give an opinion based on what he/she is listening to right then, not walk into it prepared to trash it no matter what it sounds like due to past material or behavior.
I’ll be the first to admit Axl Rose wasted the talent and momentum his band had with his antics and behavior at the height of their fame. Anyone that didn’t like GNR or Axl, or got a bad taste in their mouth with all his crap over the years DOESN’T have to listen to anything by them/him with objectivity. I’m only saying a “professional” who is supposed to be reviewing a new body of material and giving their “professional” opinion to the masses should approach it that way.
Since the person that wrote this piece didn’t even listen to the chorus close enough to know what the hook was saying (about 10 times thru the song) before lambasting the song and giving his fashion opinion “a set of rubbishy ginger dreadlocks and a bit of a tummy”.. I was simply saying it seems like the writer planned on this being a hatchet-job from the beginning (whether this be a masterpiece, or piece of shizz-not), instead of an honest critique on one of the most anticiapated/talked-about hard rock recordings in years.
For the record GIR, I don’t think you ever have to have any objectivity towards anything by GNR anymore than I plan on having objectivity towards anything by the Backstreet Boys or Neil Diamond, lol, but I would hope the “critics” would.
To SHOOTY.. art is all in the eye of the beholder.. so the question of course is.. to some yes.. to others no.
Peace
Anybody who doesn’t like Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond is a worthless twat without any taste at all.
I say this without irony or sarcasm.
And I’m not gonna read that wall of text, but it appears that you are still arguing objectivity so here you go: that song is objectively bad.
this song ruled!! I agree the guy dident know what he was talking about
Bad. Very bad.
Hey guys i’ve listen Prostitute and Better a thousand of times now ! Minaimally this album would hit sky high! Can’wait buying the album becasuse the leaks i have sucks!!!
Maybe a long wait for a lot of drama, but let’s face it we are in a R&R void right now. Still he brung it hard ans steady.
“but let’s face it we are in a R&R void right now.”
…and Axl Rose is plumbing the depths.
“Still he brung it hard ans steady.”
Sounds like a future old-meme to me.