Lindsay Lohan’s Ma & Pa Now Attention-Seeking In Court

Lindsay Lohan may have the age and profound emotional maturity to function away from her parents, but she’s not the only Lohan kid.

Sadly Michael Lohan and Dina Lohan managed to find a couple of synchronised windows between all those prison sentences and rampantly selfish partying to fit a bunch more pregnancies in after Lindsay. And, since Michael Lohan and Dina Lohan have since divorced, it’s time for some petty court-based squabbling.

Michael and Dina Lohan have been in court arguing over custody of their kids Ali and Dakota. It’s an important time for those little darlings - who’ll be their primary guardian? The woman who whores them through reality TV shows or the man who slags them off in print for being whored through reality TV shows? Who are we kidding, those lucky kids win either way!

Having two parents who love each other can be such a snore - for starters it means that they don’t individually buy you ostentatiously large birthday presents to try and out-do the other one, but you’ll also never know the joy of your mother specially crafting a range of chocolate bar wrappers that deliberately besmirch your father’s reputation.

That’s why we’re so jealous of Ali and Dakota Lohan, the 14 and 11-year-old siblings of Lindsay Lohan. And that’s not just because we haven’t got the prematurely grizzled voice and dead-eyed facial expression of a war veteran that Ali Lohan has, either - but because their divorced parents are so transparently focused on merciless self-promotion at the cost of everything else that their birthday presents must be huge.

Recently there’s been a little bit of a flare-up between Dina and Michael Lohan. Dina, as you know, now has her own reality show to prove what a good mother she is, and Michael Lohan has a new column on a magazine’s website dedicated to slagging that reality show off.

It’s all very bitter, and apparently rooted in Dina Lohan not letting Michael Lohan see his kids any more. And that’s why everyone went back to court yesterday for another round of tedious custody discussions. OK! reports:

Battling exes Dina and Michael Lohan have returned to a Long Island court Tuesday afternoon over custody issues. Michael claims that his ex-wife has violated their visitation agreement with their minor children, Ali, 14, and Dakota, 11. According to Michael’s attorney, John DiMascio Jr., Dina has forbidden his client from visiting the children.

There’ll be another custody hearing next month, but the judge overseeing the case so far seems satisfied that both sides are working together to bring this issue to a mutually-agreed end.

Ali and Dakota Lohan must be so pleased by this outcome. Soon enough, with the right direction from the courts, they’ll be able to spend quality time with both their parents - the mother who was most recently seen on TV partying after being told that her house had caught fire with them in it, and the father who went to prison for trying to attack a relative with a shoe.

Yes, those kids are going to be just fine. We like happy endings.