She may have officially become one of the world’s dullest people, not bothering to get into even the most minor of mishaps, but we’re still sticking with the girl.
Because we like Lindsay Lohan – how could we not? She’s given us so much entertainment, so many words to write and so much vitriolic rage to spew. It’s hard to be really very mad at an old friend.
But it wouldn’t seem that hard for Lindsay’s ‘born-again Christian ex-convict of an absentee father’ (copyright Stuart Heritage 2008), Michael Lohan, to give up on his own flesh and blood for mere ‘religious’ reasons. Big Mike has decided he can’t walk his daughter down the aisle should her rumoured gay wedding come to fruition, as it would go against his born-again Christianity belief system.
You’ve got to love religion. Especially when it’s one that you’ve been turned on to about four minutes ago. Whereas your daughter has been around for most of her life. Can’t argue with the man’s priorities, we suppose.
Michael Lohan has said from the very beginning that he would be fine if young Lindsay were to come out publicly as a lesbian, though that is pretty much a given. When you have a daughter that whores herself off to every man in the world (give or take a few billion), gets boozed up on booze every two minutes and possibly has a sex tape where she’s all naked and stuff, well – there’s a lot he’s had to put up with through the years.
Plus we hear Christians are good at that forgiveness lark, so she’s onto a winner there.
But no, it would seem simply walking his daughter a few steps towards her wedding ceremony would prove too much for daddio. Talking to The Scoop, who happened to be listening for some reason, Michael said this collection of words:
“I haven’t heard anything [about an upcoming wedding] from Lindsay, but if she was marrying Sam, I don’t think she’d ask me to walk her down the aisle. She knows about my Christian faith … she just wouldn’t ask.”
But it’s not all doom and gloom from the big Negative Nancy, who still supports his daughter’s choices in life. Even if he acts like he doesn’t, then tries to put any family members or possible family members through the wringer for his own nefarious ways. Michael Lohan went on to say, most likely continuing by using his mouth:
“I want her to be happy and healthy and stay on the right path. If I discuss her relationship, I say that I want her to be happy.”
It would appear to be pretty clean cut and straightforward for once in the world of the Lohans – she is apparently having a gay wedding, he sees this as being against his beliefs so does not wish to be involved. Fair enough.
But when is he going to admit that the real reason he doesn’t want to walk Lindsay down the aisle is because of what is waiting at the end? Frankly, even hecklerspray would be afraid of the sight of Sam Ronson standing at the other side of a room, looking at you as you slowly approach. She’s even worse when she’s wearing those bloody hats – it’s downright menacing.
Shooty* says
The title of this article made me snort tea over my monitor. Thanks for that ;)
Mrs.Nyet says
WHO CARES???? THIS is news? This is worth reporting?
texas gal says
Lord, Ian Dransfield your mouth and snooty comments are just as bad as Michael Lohans and any Christian you are trying to put down in your article. Talk about nasty writing, nasty thoughts of others and you have done it. I am not sticking up for Michael Lohan, I do not like the man and I would have never let him back around me or my daughters, but you are no different than he is,enough negativity for the morning!!
SUPERSTAR says
WOW! Be a little more disrespectful of Christians why don’t ya! Completely rude and arrogant. Same goes for your comments about Ms. Lohan. I’m not fan of hers, but give me a break. Don’t be a jackass.
Venomrk says
Hollywood has become an ugly place. Surrounded by cheap, artificial puppets. I hate to even see these types of articles. PATHETIC!!!
Johnny Law says
While I find it interesting that anyone would find Lohan worthy of writing about anymore, I noticed Mr. Dransfield made some very sarcastic and demeaning comments about Christianity. Stick to reporting the “news” and spend less time tearing down religion.
John says
Seems like Michael loves his Lord and his daughter and defines the limits clearly. How is that a bad thing?
Warmonger says
I cannot even believe you get paid to write crap like this. Sure why not bust on the Christians, you certainly wouldn’t think of slandering any other “religious” group without suffering severe consequences. You are pathetic!
gir says
Surprise, surprise, idiot Christians show up claiming persecution.
Let’s just see what he said about Christians:
“Plus we hear Christians are good at that forgiveness lark, so she’s onto a winner there.”
Oh, really? That’s it? A slightly sarcastic restatement of one of the central tenets of Christianity has got a bug up the ass of all these morons?
Hey idiots: wait until someone actually criticizes your stupid beliefs before getting all defensive.
Shaun says
Who cares so shes a dike. Women are not meant to marry women anyways its not in the laws of nature. Pathetic waste of woman if you ask me. Woman are meant to marry men since the beginning of time period.
euclid says
Shaun? What time period? Period time? What? Shaun!
Ms. Christian says
You know as Christians go they are to forgive, and
yet we are supposed to stand for our principles, and the Word of God to live by. Like for instance Thou shalt not kill. Why don’t you get it that killing an innocent baby in its mothers womb is not good, and since GOD stated thou shalt not commit adultery, I would say that there is a good reason for that too…so all in all GOD’s Batting 2 for 2 and HE is right on all other accouts as well. The Word of God is without error So – if Mike is walking the walk and talking the talk, where do you get off critisizing him Ian? Have you checked over what you stand for and believe? Are you going to GOD’s heaven by GODs way and adhering to HIS Words? Maybe Mike cares about being a role model and this is what he may be trying to do, and doing the right thing is hard and maybe he wants to do what is right and doesnt care a hoot and a holler what you and everyother CHRISTIAN HATER thinks. Christians are not that complicated, and being a good Christian is not popular. Christ did not come to be POPULAR, He came to share SALVATION. Have you ever thought of that?
gir says
Shaun’s just pissed that Samantha Ronson looks more like a man AND can get more women than him.
LauraAnn says
Mr.Lohan is a total pathetic waste of human life..He should support his daughter even if she is a lesbian and wants to marry her partner.. Hey,Mr.Lohan,haven’t u heard of PLFLAG??????? GET A LIFE U TURD AND STOP DUMPING ON UR DAUGHTER’S LIFE
the rocket queen says
Heyyyyy shaun… ever hear of the gay penguins? Look it up… look up homosexuality in animals before you start spouting that nature bullshit. Men who don’t do their research and practice intolerance are a pathetic waste of man!
Ralee says
I find the comments about Christians offensive yes it is against the beliefs of Christians to condone homosexualism but don’t Muslims have a law thing that says it’s okay for them to beat their wives personally I think that if people were suppose to be homo’s we would all either have d*cks or p*ssies not a mix of both
DIane says
I am glad that my God is more forgiving than Hollyweird is.
I dont support Gay Marriages. As a Christian, Mr. Lohan not have to be forced to walk his daughter down the aisle.
Question: in a lesiban wedding, does the other father also walk his daughter down the aisle?
Jacobus says
gir,
If you actually were concerned about the facts you’d have noticed it wasn’t the one statement about forgiveness the writer made concerning Christianity being something awful, it was like half the rest of the article!!
Like:
“But it wouldn’t seem that hard for Lindsay’s ‘born-again Christian ex-convict of an absentee father’ (copyright Stuart Heritage 2008), Michael Lohan, to give up on his own flesh and blood for mere ‘religious’ reasons. Big Mike has decided he can’t walk his daughter down the aisle should her rumoured gay wedding come to fruition, as it would go against his born-again Christianity belief system.
You’ve got to love religion. Especially when it’s one that you’ve been turned on to about four minutes ago. Whereas your daughter has been around for most of her life. Can’t argue with the man’s priorities, we suppose.”
The man isn’t gushing about his daughter being a lesbian bride and he has a religious scruple or two involved, so Dransfield hadta be snotty about it from beginning to end. THAT’S what the Christians are un-thrilled about. If they were of certain other persuasions they’d be trying to blow him up instead of just verbalize and you know it.
chibi says
1. I’m christian and I’m bi. And god still loves me just as much as he loves you. It may be a sin but he’ll forgive me and it’s who I am. He made me so that I would be this way.
2. How is this news? Who cares? He can live and do what he wants, why cant we just respect that that is his view and move on. And he never ACTUALLY said he wouldn’t do it. He just said she wouldn’t ask him. that’s it. my dad said he’d never walk me down the isle if i married someone who is not christian. okay. I’ll get on with out him. I can do without him there. He’ll be the one missing out.
3. To gir I think warmonger has a good point. And it’s not specifically what he said it’s the overally gist of the article. Well either way you’re all entitled to your views. But not all Christians are like that. Don’t stereotype us all together. Not everyone is overally sensitive or religious fanatics. And besides don’t groups of every sort of religion, color, age etc. claim some sort of persecution or discrimination at some point? It’s not just us.
chibi says
to Shaun: Why shouldn’t women be together? If two humans love each other then why should race, age, gender, etc. keep them apart? What if it was the other way around? what if it was considered normal for 2 women to be together or 2 men to be together and you loved someone of the opposite gender. What if they called you a pathetic waste? How would that make you feel.
And it just so happens that I love a woman. And I know I’m not a pathetic waste. View me how you will but I am who I am. You’ll just have to accept that because I’m not going to change myself to be accepted by you.
Gilbert Wham says
Except you, I imagine.
euclid says
Here’s a question for the devout: Christians, Muslims, Whatever…
How stupid is your God? Seriously.
Can you imagine your God having (or being) an idea you don’t agree with?
If you cannot imagine disagreeing with God about something,
it isn’t a real relationship. It’s a fantasy. Get real. Grow. Or accept
the fact that you are deluded.
Ian Dransfield says
Hi kids.
Thanks for all your comments – but please try and keep the discussion away from the realms of slagging each other. That’s a bit unfair. A nice, down-the-line theological debate is fine though.
Apologies for anyone who found what was written offensive, but we feel it was simply a humourous/sarcastic take on the whole situation, and well within the realms of good taste.
Instead of all fighting each other, why not pick up on comments like Ralee’s: “but don’t Muslims have a law thing that says it’s okay for them to beat their wives,” which is clearly a pile of uninformed, bigoted tosh.
gir says
HAHAHAHAHA “a theological debate”….on an entertainment satire blog. Precious.
As for all the things Dransfield supposedly said about Christians…If you read carefully (or at all), you’ll notice that those were all criticisms of Herr Lohan. Couched it terms related to Christianity to be sure, but the ONLY thing said about Christianity in general was what I pointed out.
But(and you’ll want to pay attention here because I’m going to criticize Christians en masse), I can’t possibly be surprised by the reactions of the thin-skinned little faggots that call themselves Christian; they show up and they scream about Christianity being under attack because they’ve been on the offensive for so long that they’ve forgotten what it feels like when someone fights back.
Getting back to you, Ian: I’ll see your request for civil discourse and raise you
“Christians, you certainly wouldn’t think of slandering any other “religious” group without suffering severe consequences. You are pathetic!”
“Who cares so shes a dike…Pathetic waste of woman if you ask me.”
gir says
Oops, forgot this gem:
“If they were of certain other persuasions they’d be trying to blow him up instead of just verbalize and you know it.”
HAHAHA oh, Jacobus, you poor fucking hypocrite.
Chris Crocker says
LEAVE RELIGION ALONE!