Here’s some good news – New Lindsay Lohan has regressed. Long live Old Lindsay Lohan. Or New Old Lindsay Lohan.
Or something. Anyway, Lindsay Lohan is brilliant again. Hooray! Just a few days after she was hauled to court, Lindsay Lohan has regressed again and apparently decided to take a restraining order out against her father in case he decides to kidnap her. It’s just like the good old days!
Although let’s just pray that Lindsay Lohan doesn’t keep regressing too much – if she regresses back to her childhood then she’ll start making films that aren’t terrible again, and where’s the fun in that?
We hinted at it last week when she was ordered to court for alcohol-related matters, but now it’s official – Lindsay Lohan has started being interesting again. She’s emerged from her lesbian phase and – if the stories about her and Balthazar Getty are true – defaulted back to the phase where she just has a load of disinterested sex with a bunch of desperately unsuitable men all the time.
But most importantly, Lindsay Lohan has fallen out with her dad Michael Lohan again. Actually, no, we take that back – she hasn’t fallen out with him so much as started to take a restraining order out against him because she’s paranoid about being kidnapped by him. And, to be fair, she might have a point. Just last week Michael Lohan told X17:
?If I can't get a conservatorship, then I'm going to take her to an undisclosed location and get her straight. But I know I'm gonna get charged with kidnapping.”
Although that seems unusually on the button for a kidnapping threat, Lindsay Lohan should know by know that her father would never do anything to hurt her. Just because he’s a washed-up ex-jailbird absentee father with a proven history of telling the press every last secret about Lindsay’s private life in a harrowing effort to ride the coattails of her constantly diminishing fame until she drops dead, it doesn’t mean that Michael Lohan is a bad person. Oh, wait, sorry. It might do. Sorry.
It’s hard to know who to side with here, isn’t it? On one hand Michael Lohan is saying that he only wants the best for his daughter. On the other hand, the thought of spending any amount of time in an undisclosed location with Michael Lohan makes us want to start systematically removing the skin from our face and torso with our fingernails. Then there’s Lindsay Lohan – she might have a troubled relationship with her dad, but is seeking a restraining order against a member of your own family really necessary?
After some consideration, we’ve decided that we can’t side with Lindsay Lohan or Michael Lohan here. Instead, we’re going to side with Dina Lohan. Or, to be more accurate, we’re going to side with Dina Lohan as soon as she decides to never have any contact with the rest of the human race ever again. As would anyone.
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